I don't want to heal

First I have to say that I don’t have a diagnosis because I can never tell one psychiatrist everything… If people are planning everything around me like I feel they are, it means that the psychiatrist will be in it too, and they will want me to believe nothing’s wrong so that I won’t try to ruin their plan. Therefore I’m not sure what illness I have. I hope it’s still okay for me to write on this forum…

The thing I’m wondering about, is that do all of you want to heal? I know that it sounds crazy since whatever it is I have is ruining my “real” physical life, but I don’t want a diagnosis and I don’t want medication. All I want is for the physical world, where I am watched and haunted, to go away and to only live in the one in my head. Can this even be schizophrenia or does it sound like some other disease? Does anyone else here experience this?

Sounds like you are looking to escape real life.

Hope you feel better

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I was like that. I ended up believing I couldn’t die in the end and was a few hours away from putting my theory to the test when I was picked up by the police and forcibly hospitalised.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me in the hospital, and was forced to take meds.

That’s what it meant for me to not want to heal. I genuinely thought the world was messed up and not me.

Thanks for your answer!
Did you get better? And if you did, are you grateful you were forced to do it?

Yes, I was very glad that I was forced. It saved my life.

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For the first time in my life i gave the psychiatrist and therapist 100% honesty. That was last week. I got tired of being sick and decided it’s no way to live. When i went in for my appointment , they asked what made me decide to go in for treatment. “I need help” i said. You need help too. You can only get help if you are 100% honest. If you arent, you are lying to yourself which is very unhealthy. Please seek treatment. I want to see you get better.

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For me, it’s difficult to be 100% honest, my goal is to avoid the hospital because then i am trapped so i tell them I don’t hear voices, all is good and well, that way they let me go quicker. It is difficult to trust them

i know its hard. i went to therapy for years and was never 100% honest. i am paying for it now because my condition is worse. there is nothing to fear in being honest.

Didn’t I just post this on another thread? (Rhetorical Q.)

Okay, but… No diagnoses; no treatment. I got tired of being “ill,” so I did pretty much the following:

  1. Get a copy of these books, read them and have your family read them, as well. (Torrey can be a bit totalistic and unwilling to see exceptions to his “rules” at times, but most of his book is really worth the effort to plough through.)
  2. Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
    http://doctor.webmd.com/find-a-doctor/specialty/psychiatry and https://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
  3. Work with that “psychiatrist” (or “p-doc”) to develop a medication formula that stabilizes their symptoms sufficiently so that they can tackle the psychotherapy that will disentangle their thinking.
  4. Psychotherapies for that currently include…
    DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
    MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
    MBCT - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22340145
    ACT – https://contextualscience.org/act
  5. the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
    MBBT – https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system
    SEPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing
    SMPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensorimotor_psychotherapy
  6. or standard CBTs, like…
    REBT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
    Schematherapy – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy
    Learned Optimism – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
    Standard CBT – https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Treatment/Psychotherapy & scroll down
  7. Get two or more of those “down,” and one can use the skills therefrom in this way to combat delusional thinking and emotional reactivity very quickly:
    10 StEP – http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html
  8. If you/she/he needs a professional intervention to get through treatment resistance, I would use those search tools in item 2 above. Look for clinics that include intervention and treatment resistance services.
  9. If you or your sz patient suddenly becomes manic: http://www.currentpsychiatry.com/specialty-focus/bipolar-disorders/article/what-to-do-when-your-depressed-patient-develops-mania/f3218a38f6603114ff2f9d9bfc21acfb.html?
  10. Look into the RAISE Project at https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=raise%20program%20schizophrenia.
  11. Look for mental illness clubhouses in your area (which can be hugely helpful… but may also pose risks). Dig through the many articles at https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=mental%20illness%20clubhouse%20model to locate and investigate them.