It’s hard not to feel abandoned. No one in my family cares, have abandoned me. Send me false prayers to save the mind my mother left behind and the world forgot. I’m supposed to be her caretaker. I have no income, just applied to college and was accepted. Found my letter on the floor among other important things. So it’s nice, but I still can’t afford college. And my father might be a millionaire but I don’t deserve to know that. He doesn’t consider it something of much value, having money, and I moved out. I fell in love. My friend was woken up in the middle of the night and taken to a mental hospital for trying to leave an abusive home situation. I’m trying not to dwell. But on top of this, my label being changed from schizophrenia to bipolar and not having hallucinations, and not knowing what to do about Abilify making my vision deteriorate every time I take a 30mg dose, or even 15mgs at this point.I can’t even read road signs. I’ve been blinded by this.
So am I crazy? Or did it ever mean anything to be know anything? I’m waiting for the sign, the sign of a breakdown. The sense of abnormality, and I fell in love. Suddenly something was missing my whole life and that was me. I’m broken inside, shattered because I don’t make sense enough to find another piece of my soul to medicate into silence. I’m sorry if my opinion has changed and if being opposed to forced medication makes me somehow not “pro recovery” to you all. But where is the recovery? I was never shown the way out, and no one really cared enough to help me. I’m now brutally independent and completely messed up.