Schizophrenia.com

I don't know about anybody else

But, I was miserable when I was psychotic. I couldn’t talk about or think about or write about anything else but the psychosis I was experiencing. It was abject misery. And that’s not even considering the suicidal depression that I had too.

I find it amazing that so many of you still hear voices and live with delusions and can prevent yourselves from talking about them in detail on this site. I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to do that. You are all amazing.

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I’m not amazing. I just know talking about my unusual beliefs will get me nowhere. No one believes me. I don’t even think my pdoc believes that i really believe im being followed etc. I continue to report it to her but it doesn’t matter. No drug changes help me. Nothing helps me. I don’t know what to do anymore. If my pdoc thinks I’m faking i’m in real trouble. I think she turned against me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be followed etc anymore but im powerless to fix it.

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I learned awhile ago that talking about my voices just makes people uncomfortable so I keep it to myself. I don’t really have symptoms other than that so that leaves… well, nothing to talk about really, except day to day things.

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I was so terrified when I was psychotic…sad and terrified…

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Yeah, schizophrenia was my whole life. It was always there and I couldn’t ignore it. When I was psychotic and more delusional it’s all I thought about. Now, I can ponder life a little and look back on pleasant memories. Thinking about anything other then schizophrenia is a luxury I enjoy.

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I was not a fun person to be around.
The voices really disable you.

I couldn’t move at times. Like I was a statue.
The words coming out of my mouth were like they were written by someone else.

It was embarrassing for people to be around me, because I was disheveled, mumbling to myself, disturbing their peace, their lives.

I can see that now.

I keep to myself because I’m not sure if that’s going to happen again.

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