Schizophrenia.com

I don't feel like I'm sick

I just feel like there’s something dark and bad about me, something wrong with me, and if I could just figure it out, how to fix myself and make it better, then I would be ok and I could do the things I want to do with my life. I’ve always had really big goals and I hate that I’ve never been able to achieve them.

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I struggle with my concept of myself as good or bad, sick or healthy.

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I think like this all the time. I’ve been like this for the last 10 years. All that happened was I was able to fix a small thing, here and there.

The bottom line is my brain is “wrong” and that’s the actual problem.

But I still end up thinking that it’s something else if only I knew what it was.

It’s literally madness.

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I hate how medication doesn’t take this away. My voices and delusions stem from this (even though I’m mostly free from positive symptoms).

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I feel that there is something “wrong” with my brain too.

No matter what, I rarely have a good day.

Yes it’s frustrating sometimes but the truth is that I’m constantly worrying.

I am rarely happy.

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I’m sorry that you’re rarely happy. That’s gotta be so awful.

I don’t know… I don’t think I’m happy, but I have some moment that are ok or good and sometimes make the time pass. I would be happier if I could create again, and make a living off it.

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Yes I feel this too.

I feel like I am evil :’(

It is just so annoying.

I don’t actually think I’m evil but my intuition is that society thinks I am.

Anyway not sure how to fix that

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I bet society doesn’t think you are evil. That’s just your own mind telling you that.

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Yeah some days are better than others.
I’m sorry that you are feeling down @Pandy

Maybe try taking small steps into being creative again.

I used to be super creative but I lost the desire to indulge into my hobbies like drawing and writing poetry.

I think that my AP has a lot to do with me being less creative.

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I agree!! Those damn things flatten my brain out.

My therapist says there’s a way I can make new neural pathways in the brain so that I can sing, write, and make art again. He’s a neuropsychologist, so he would know. Apparently, it starts like you said, just small steps. He said that I can pick something, like sing everyday, and force myself to do it until it starts stirring up my creativity again.

I am having ideas of art to make, but no motivation to get up and do it.

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I lack motivation too and unfortunately few activities give me pleasure.

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Thanks, but I don’t know