actually no, but several times i sat down and said break out the heavy guns, opened myself up to torture, they put haldol on me, terrible side efects worse than the disease by a little,
sat in the 72 hour hold a couple of times and kept demanding more meds till i went down finally, ended up just seroquel and haldol and one other antidepressent or something.
also orap, another pdoc i told to break out the heavy guns; same bad side effects as haldol and none of the elephant gun to the head effect.
so after i gave them a few tries and they showed everytime that they don’t help, i really don’t have the patience for any more torture, i’m barely hanging in there under the current torture that comes with being the plaything of the devil, bugs all over me inside and out, ridiculous itching that makes it impossible to sit or be still anywhere ever, constantly tortured, but hey, it’s not torture, it’s just weird.
i’ve withdrawn to my turtle shell as far as asking for help from modern science, they burned me every single time.
i don’t feel anything yet but after ony 35 minutes sleep this morning and zero through the night, after walking to the sauna at the gym and coming back, got that 35 minutes sleep but then work interrupted and then th e mental activity set the whole storm off again, totally overwhelmed with demons doing a superbowl touchdown dance like the victory is theirs and i’ve been trampled, iron ox taken down by ants, that’s the imagery in the song they sing as they go nuts all over my ears,
so yeah don’t feel anything yet but i took the cocktail, seroquel sucks but i recently discovered it is better as a binge drug, stay away for 4 or 5 days then elephant gun to the head, with…
200 mg seroquel
3 x 5mg melatonin
2x who knows what kind of mg of atarax
1x a singulair
1 shot of nyquil
it’s been 45 minutes, nothing yet, i’m a big elephant at 128 pounds and it takes alot of elephant gun to put me down.
Clozapine? Would it put me down? Would i be mad cause it didn’t fix the itching just made it harder for me to scratch, like everything else i’ve ever tried? would i experience side effects that i’d complain about - cause i enjoy the drug free non sedated hyper clear manic mind, even the little seroquel mixture leaves me groggy for the first hour in the morning, and like i said the haldol / orap / crack cocaine come-down is unacceptable so i stay away from those drugs, and honestly have a fear that all the other stuff is gonna do the same thing, it’s a rational fear based on my track record with these drugs. No body knows what these drugs are doing or how they are supposed to be helping, its a black box theory of the pharmacologists, I push it back across the pdoc’s desk and say 'when you can give a presentation on what this will do to me and why that will help, i’ll reconsider, but if you are gonna play push twenty freaky drugs at him and see if any make him calm down, i don’t like that game and i don’t think it’s ethical, go do it to the lab rats and come back when you have some actual theories, which by the way wouldn’t that require a working theory of brain/mind, which I believe your sceintists refuse to offer even a rough draft of. I have offered my own theory of brain mind and published it free on smashwords, and according to mine I have actual working theories on what to do about this and why, and none of my theories are so blunt and black box as to be about dropping a coin in the jukebox and seeing what song comes out, rather it’s led to a program of very diligent diet and exersize and i know i misspell exersize and i guess i can’t fix that must be a traumatized brain cell adn then people say i’m not taking advice about madness from the guy that can’t spell exersize, i swear i’ve been here before so let me stop, but yeah, according to my floridly psychotic understanding of the human mind, i don’t need clonzapine, rather i need some rest, i need some specialized nutirition, and honestly i need to prune all the reading and writing and sit down and settle my spirit and circulate my pneuma. like nancy reagan says, thank you but no thank you, for the clozapine.