Schizophrenia.com

I don’t have a support system

I don’t have anybody. Nobody accepts me because of my homicidal urges / violent tendencies and my anger and rage that I feel constantly everyday. Plus I don’t have any girlfriends. I’ve been kicked out just about everywhere else and this is the only place that I know of. I can’t get any help. I only see my counselor once a month at best because she’s the only person who works there and there’s no other places available that’ll accept me in as a patient. And I can’t see a therapist as that would be too expensive for my shitty medicaid insurance. If I tell counselors anything I’m afraid that they’re gonna baker act me again, so I end up telling them nothing and I receive no help. My mom essentially lives off my disability money and has no job, but when I told my counselor about this she said that it couldn’t be transferred in my name because I didn’t know how to budget even though my family never gives me any money to practice budgeting with. I don’t have a bank account either, so I constantly have to bum them for ■■■■ and listen to them ■■■■■ and moan at me for asking them when they don’t take me to get a job or anything. My counselor holds me responsible for everything and that’s why I ■■■■■■■ hate her ass. At this point there isn’t anything I haven’t tried short of going homeless. There’s no way that I’m going to move out of here. Plus nobody else in my family has any room for me to move in nor do I have any friends. My life sucks. It just gets worse everyday. I can’t distract myself no more either. I need to get out of this controlling environment. But everybody’s been a dick to me.

you sound stable to me…what’s the problem?

I see you have lots of problems and you are in dire straights. This might help: if you meet someone get their phone number and then try calling them now and then to talk. That’s how my friendships have started.

You have to get back on meds. There’s quite a lot of different antipsychotic meds out there. Talk to your doctor/psychiatrist. Don’t give up on meds just because the ones you’ve tried didn’t work out.

Getting on the right meds is all personal trial and error.

2 Likes

You say everyone has been a dick to you, maybe it’s got something to do with the way you treat others. It’s not easy to get kicked off of other mental health websites. Perhaps you should try being respectful of the feelings of others, if you want them to be respectful back to you.

5 Likes

welcome to the forum @Edward_Ingersoll… I hope things improve for you.

2 Likes

Welcome to the forum :slight_smile:
I hope you find a way to deal with violent tendancies because that will help you out with many other things especially relationships of all kinds.

It’s quite the opposite. I’m not gonna give names, but there was this one website I used in 2016 that mocked me when I was delusional with memes and just recently I got booted off because I lost it when other users were laughing at me and told one of them to kys so they would ban me. On another website I talked about one time I quarreled with my mother and they banned me just for saying that. This other website I got put under excessive moderation after I requested to be banned because I didn’t like how judgmental some users were to me, and just recently I had a one time stunt with this other suicide website where I discussed my violent tendencies and they deleted it so I asked for other websites and announced that I was leaving so they kicked me off there too. People on the internet are assholes, I don’t know what the mystery is there. People can be so ■■■■■■■ judgmental.

And while you could say that I’m lying or twisting things, at the same time I would’ve showed you exactly what I was talking about but I didn’t take any screenshots, so you’re just gonna have to take my word.

Hopefully, with some self-reflection, you can see what was wrong with your behavior there. It is behavior that would lead to a suspension on this website, also. People aren’t being judgmental when they demand equal respect and adherence to social etiquette.

If you know you have violent tendencies, it is your responsibility to seek professional medical help, so you do not hurt others. You are responsible for your own actions at all times. On here, as with other mental health sites, we do not allow mental illness to be used as an excuse for poor behavior. We all have mental illness here, and we all are held to the same expectations regardless. If you feel like you aren’t in control when you hurt others, you NEED to be on medication and under the care of a professional, so you can regain the self-control needed to stop hurting people. If you can’t do that, you need to be put in a safe place where you can’t hurt others. That’s just how it is.

1 Like

You’re not getting the point of what I just said. I was admitting some things I did on a mental health website and people were criticizing me because of what I said/did. I decided I wanted to be on the site no more and asked for a ban voluntarily because I didn’t need to stay there since it was my own choice, and requested for a ban.

I have anger problems for a fact but even then I keep it in at all times, even online mostly. It’s just that when I’m on places like here I tend to vent.

If you don’t start taking responsibility for your own actions, you’ll never get better. That’s something users on here all agree with. This is a recovery-based forum. On here, venting will lead to advice on how to solve your problem, and that advice will almost always involve professional medical help and taking personal responsibility for the effect your actions have on others.

As I mentioned in the OP, there aren’t any other counselors available who I’d be able to see more often and I can’t afford a therapist.

I’m talking about a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication.

1 Like

Yes, I have a doctor thankfully. I should try my medication.

You the first step to recovery is that you need the right treatment and medication.You can’t recover without meds and you can’t get a job if your not stable
I also have had homicidal thoughts and you can’t work with them
The goal should be recovery once you recovered you can start working and move out but recovery first because you can’t work without recovery. your wasting time not seeking help because your gonna spiral downward and waste all the effort on the illness.

1 Like

Yes, I also suffer from aspergrs, so I have an extreme interest in certain subjects.

Which subjects do you have an extreme interest in?

History, crime, politics.

I use to have an extreme fascination with crime studied criminology and volunteered for the police. Have you considered turning obsession into some sort of vocation.

1 Like

Good idea. I should gear towards it.