Because it’s not really worrying about something. Any time I read something about anxiety it’s like endlessly worrying about something and you can’t stop. But it’s not really that because I don’t THINK anything about it. For example my work shift tomorrow. All I can think is I DON’T want to do it, I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to do it. Not because I think it will go wrong, I know it will be fine, maybe hectic, but it will go fine. Accompanied with this thought, that strong I don’t want to do it, is literally a feeling of pain. Best I can describe it is like a cat or some creature has dug its claws all the way into me and is holding on super tight, and every time I think of the thing I don’t want to do, the claws dig in and it hurts even more. It’s just a constant aching pain that spikes when I think about it.
At its worst the pain can get absolutely agonizing and leave me paralyzed for hours. I think I described it before as trying to function when you’ve been impaled by a sword.
Is this anxiety? Is this just my individual experience of it? What’s yours?
summary: I call this sensation anxiety because I don’t know what else to call it, when there’s something I don’t want to do, even if I know it will be fine, it can be literally anything, it’s accompanied by pain like claws digging into me and the pain can get much worse. It’s not really worrying about something, it’s like my brain is pissed it has to do something it doesn’t want and decides to punish me by causing me pain.
Not sure what say I don’t have anxiety to relate. I have some hypochondriac tendencies. And in worrying it causes me pain. Very annoying. I tell myself to calm down because nothing happened. Then after a while the initial fear goes away and so does the thought.
But getting pain from something you don’t want to do is something different. And even when you know it will be okay. I feel we all have a fear to some degree. But if we have to do it the faster we do it the faster we get it out the way. Oddly enough this reminds me as a child I was scared of swimming in cold water. I’d waste 15mins trying to get in. Now I jump in stomach first. But I took baby steps to get to that level. So I’m telling you to take baby steps. We all have fear but don’t let it overtake you. Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen? If we can prepare then prepare if not strike when the iron is hot.
I get this. Have since I was a child. For me it gets worse if I put off what I don’t want to do but have to because then I have anxiety about it like the sword of Damocles.
Same that’s why since it started I always have to do things immediately. Like even if it’s something like a project due months from now. People are like but I’m too stressed to start it! But I’m in literal pain until I do it so it’s sort of the opposite. That’s why it sucks if it’s something I don’t have control over like I just have to wait. Like I’ve had this feeling about working tomorrow for weeks.
I am sorry you are going through that. I either do things immediately or I get “frozen” in full panic and pain. It sucks.
I often find accomplishing other tasks can relieve some of the pain… is there a task you haven’t completed yet (like some deep cleaning or organizing) that you can focus on this weekend?
Sounds like anxiety to me. I don’t get anxiety that often but now and then I can look at something…Like a tree…and I’ll be filled with dread. I do get that feeling about work though. I often think I don’t want to go to work but I find it is the best thing for me. It distracts me, takes me out of me if that makes sense and it makes me use my cognitive skills. The brain is a use it or lose it type organ and I want to keep my cognitive skills as sharp as I can. I don’t want to end up on disability support. Not that I blame anyone who is of course. This is a hard illness to live with let alone work with.