I wanted to not get yelled at. So I studied really hard. She said I will go to the orphanage if I didn’t do what she said. So I tried really hard.
In the end I didn’t go to the orphanage. I stayed home.
And when I got hit at school no one said a thing. I can’t remember what I was getting punished for. Writing 50 sentences in one sitting was brutal. But I did it because I was told to. And I have done it more than 10 times.
The teacher said I wasn’t a model student. Later she thought I was passive. But she thought I was a good kid later.
One time I got 70% on a test. I went home and I got hit with a bamboo stick. So I scored 90% on a test. She said “please try harder next time”. So I was scared whenever I took a test because I knew that she would be angry. So I pretended that I got my tests signed.
She said she must have sold her country to have so many problems in life. I told her that I’m sorry that I didn’t go to the best school, graduated with top scores, etc. Yes, I’m sorry that I’m a horrible person…but I don’t know how to make it better. Or change who I am, really.
I hope me being disabled won’t make her feel like ■■■■ because I know that expectations for me to get better is high. But it’s genetic. You can’t fix broken genes. And it will get worse and I hate it. I hate that I can’t get better and I’m really sorry. But I don’t know how to fix my body and I can’t stop it from getting worse.
Anyway, I just hope they know that I’m trying and I’m not slacking off. But I’m just glad I didn’t end up in an orphanage. I stayed home.