Schizophrenia.com

I could use some emotional support

My mother made a pass at me after my successful recital. I didn’t want to ever play again. It made me feel like shitt. After that, my life went straight downhill. I don’t care anymore.

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Have you told anyone about this ?

That’s awful. No wonder you didn’t want to play ever again. Sometimes the past comes creeping up on us. Try to focus on the positives in the here and now and maybe that will help you to feel better. (((hugs)))

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sorry @chordy you seem to me like a fragile flower…take care of yourself, love yourself…and the rest will follow.

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No. I can’t talk about it now and I had buried the memory.

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It’s probably worthwhile talking to somebody chordy.

Yes, you’re probably right. I just saw my clinician today - might be why it came to mind after I saw her. I don’t see her or my pdoc again until next month but I could email my clinician or call her…

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hi @chordy, my mother is a narcissistic sociopath who has always psychologically tortured me (Yes, that’s confirmed by my pdoc and no, it’s not a delusion or an exaggeration). So I certainly hear you on emotionally abusive mothers. It’s really nasty when they get to you. My psychotic symptoms still get triggered whenever I have contact with my mother.

That’s awesome you had a successful recital, well done. You should be proud of yourself, don’t let her take that achievement away from you. A therapist once said to me, “It’s too late for her, she’s beyond repair,” about my mother. I hope that may be of some support to you at the moment. It’s too late for her, she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to feel proud of & happy for you in your success because she’s so damaged & never did anything to heal. She instead sounds envious of your success. Focus on yourself instead & being well.

What was the recital, do you play an instrument? I think you’re mega brave for getting up in front of an audience & performing, wow!

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It was my college Junior Recital on the piano. I only did well because I could get away from my mother long enough to concentrate on it. But she destroyed me that night. She is dead now. She was a very damaged person.

My mother made a few moves on me, and it really made me upset for a couple of days, but then I dismissed it. I loved my mother, but her presence was always a pain for me. It was because she didn’t understand how sensitive I was about my masculinity. She treated me more like I was her kid. That was painful for me. I think she realized that after a while, but most of the damage had already been done. I wish she had just kicked me out of the house when I was 22.