As som of you know I had another break around Christmas, I came out of it properly about a month ago thanks to some hard work, I still struggle with thought broadcasting/telepathy and as distressing as it is, I’m coping.
Now my issue is I’ve done a few things the past few months, I started acupuncture for my physical health and it’s been a wonder treatment, I’ve also been on a ketoacidotic diet, to lose weight, but it’s also supposed to be very good for people with severe mental illness. So there’s two factors. For the past month it’s felt live I feel hope for the first time in years. My last break was hell and I nearly died which is why I’m so worried about how im feeling at present,I just really want To challenge myself, I feel like I don’t want to keep protecting myself, hiding; it doesn’t help, I’ve had two serious breaks after my major one and I was hiding then. So why should I keep on hiding and saying “ooh Ahhh… I dunno I might have a break” I want to start living. I want to with reason challenge, participate more, and live, I’m having to accept, this will be my life, I’m always going to have bad times, Im not going to get “better” so why should I hide?
Now I’m thinkingof unsertaking three things later in the year (two are possibilities-one a second module at the same time as another with my degree, I just want to get it done. And the other was a short course to qualify as a reflexologist, and then maybe next year set up business- I want to specialise in mental health) and mum is worried this feeling will end and I’ll crash now I could postpone the reflexology until next May or something and volunteer a bit whilst doing my two modules, mum is worried I’m wanting to do my two modules (apart from at the beginning of my degree I haven’t wanted todo this) so I can still stay at home, it’s copletek the opposite I just want To challenge my brain and get my degree done within two years otherwise it would have taken me seven years, I don’t want to admit that.
My whole point of this very long thread (sorry) is I can’t tell if I’m just happy, I mean I feel alive and filled with hope, but it’s the best I’ve felt since before all this, I can’t even remember having a happiness episode last this long, so I’m fearful I’m either obsessive, and/or manic. I Want to bask in how good I feel (please don’t think I’m rubbing this in) but at the same time I am wary that I’m becoming euphoric.
I don’t know why I’m posting, I just wondered if anyone had any tips on how I can define whether I’m manic or not, I mean I’m not up all night or anything. But I can’t quite tell how I’m feeling, it’s confusing me no end. And likewise mum is very wary. But the acupuncture (it balances the chakras-yes I was skeptical too when I went in, but in genuinely works) and diet could be contributing to me feeling this way. And also the fact I survived that episode.
I would like any reply, I just don’t know whats going on!
I hope you’ve been coping as best as you can,