I can't help it I just want it to stop

DX'd - Other
1

Ever since this stuff happened to me I can’t stop looking at people in my peripheral vision whenever I’m in public. I don’t know why.

I’m a fking creep. I hate myself so gd much it hurts. I just went to a starbucks today to try and be in public and around people again and I couldnt stop looking at the girl next to me through the sides of my eyes to the point where she got so uncomfortable that she fking LEFT.

I can’t help it. I wish I could. I don’t want this. I don’t know why. I make so many people uncomfortable. I have a negative impact on everyone I am around ever. They can tell too.

But I need contact. I need to be around people. I am so gd lonely I want to just be around someone other than my parents. But then I drive them away with my weird sht.

Why am I such a fking freak. I should just end it but I’m too much of a scared little btch to even do that.

Someone help me. I’m losing my mind. I’ve fallen so far since a month ago that I’ll never make it back to who I was before… but Im still falling. There is no bottom

2

Hey, chill out. Are you on meds?

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3

hey it’s okay. it sounds to me like you need a med adjustment.
It WILL get better xx

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4

I don’t know if I can chill out anymore. I forgot how. Things just keep getting worse I don’t know what to do no meds help.

The voices have mostly stopped but the damage is done. I’m drinking for the first time in months

5

No, don’t drink, my friend.

6

I know but I had to. It sounds so minor but it broke me> I just wish I had weed instead

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7

Alcohol doesn’t help. Meds do help.

8

I need some of them good meds then haha

Drunk already though not the worst

9

Have you tried several antipsychotics?
I have tried 6 or 7 and now I am better than ever

10

I’m on number 2 now, same as the zyprexa helps thre voices but none of the other freaky sht.

I guess Im impatient but i feel so horrible and like no one understands its pure pain

11

I take 80mg zyprexa and I generally have less voices. What’s the problem exactly?

12

I cant stop looking at people in my peripheral vision. Sounds minor but image no matter wht you do you cant stop looking at people out of the corners of your eyes and they KNOW youre doing it. It ruins any social interaction and I cant even hold a job its so bad. top it off with voices and paranoia for some real fun

13

You mean real people. I see hallucinations in my peripheral vision. So why does it bother you?

14

They used to be hallucinations and I think thats what triggered it. Now I cant stop real or no

15

Why do you do it? Is it compulsive?

16

Yeah. And whatever it is no meds help any

17

Did you say it to your psychiatrist?

18

maybe try therapy so u dont feel so on edge around ppl. I was sorta the same way going to the gym and now i got used to it.

19

Yeah and they just say stay the course and do some deep breathing. Which of course doesn’t help much haha I meditate and all that sht none of it matters. I need new meds but I’m stuck

20

I go to the gym every day and I stare at people every day in the mirrors. Freaks them out but I push through because it feels good to workout haha only time I get out the house