I caught a bit of a cold this last weekend and the past two days have been head circus to the maximum. This morning I was hit out of the blue with a crowbar of depression and I was barely able to function today. I don’t know if I did the right thing by forcing myself to work. But I gave it a try.
No better. Nothing was working and I had a panic attack on the bus. I got off at a stop near a park I knew and just sat and began to feel worse. Everything was scary and awful and I was sliding fast.
My cross wired laugh was happening and every little thing that was bothering me became huge and crippling. I was loosing the wheels off my wagon really fast. I found a pay phone and called my friend and my sis. My friend got to me first. I melted down in his car.
He was OK with this. He wasn’t fazed. If he was, he didn’t show it. He got me home, my sis got home and called my doc, I got Ok’d for an extra helping of Seroquel and Xanax. My friend was able to talk me down.
I’m a little shaken because I was doing so well. How could I end up like this after doing so well? But I’ve been focusing on the positive in my life and reminding myself, I can get back to level. I can not give into this. There is some good in my life.
But I feel tired, but I am calm. I’m fighting some of my symptoms. I am trying to make sense. My sis has been on my side, but now I also have a friend on my side. The more people I gather on my side, the safer I feel for some reason.
One thing that helped me today was the suggestion I got from Darksith to trust my friend. Actually trust someone new. I called when I needed help and I got help. I’m still shaken and tired, and concentrating hard, but I’m Ok. I’ll sleep tonight, I’ll be stable or closer to stable in the morning.
Sorry if this seems disjointed. But for those of us trying to beat this… I learned today that I have to admit I need to help to get help. I also learned that I can trust another person.