I wouldnt worry about how other people are doing, you sound like you’re beating yourself up or angry about something. I can’t get off medication yet either, not yet, I don’t know I don’t really like Abilify tbh sometimes it helps but sometimes it makes me completely vacant and dysphoric.
I can’t picture myself doing it, but things can happen–lives can change in an instant. In order to prevent bad things happening I obsess a bit thinking I can make it happen but thoughts dont change the world we do and actions speak louder than words so I would just try to relax, take a chill out vacation with yourself. You don’t need to be anything or anyone society did not brand you or tell your future.
When I had my first episode I had to connect and disconnect and connect and reconnect, like I get tired of having to pace everything and put things into context but my mind had been fighting itself I assume schizophrenia is some kind of test of human endurance.
I got over that rough patch. You are going through a rough patch of time and even if it seems endless hang onto that silver lining of hope until the storm clears.