I Braved the agency's website

don’t try this at home if you’re paranoid, but I finally got up the nerve to follow a tweet by the central intelligence website to read about the cold war on their FOIA website. :smiley:
I actually read it, my heart thumped a little, I looked nervously into my webcam, but I finished reading and I feel okay!

I think I made progress today! Facing fears and I even typed in sz into their query box but got a mixed bag of people they used to monitor back in the 1950’s who were dr’s (sleep-inducing agents were mentioned as treatments, so I pegged the 1950’s as the date of the records) and a collection of reports about whether ALL ufo sightings were sz’s or what was going on with the whole ufo thing.

It was a bit triggering reading the ufo stuff, but i felt calmer reading about some dr. in Tehran a long time ago who devoted his personal life to researching psychosis. The dossier (or whatever they call it) said he spent his at-home time reading academic articles to try to find a new treatment. I thought that was nice, somebody cares about our suffering enough to try to end it through new medical treatment.

This is a big step for me, since most of my delusions and hallucinations revolved around said agency coming to torture me. Now, I have visited their site, read some random FOIA reports, and I feel like a little weight has been lifted off me.

Anyways, I debated whether to post this or not, since so many of us have major triggers over the agency. I finally decided to hit post since part of my personal recovery goals include to not be paralyzed with fear of said agency and to appreciate the some good that they do/have done in the past, and I made steps towards that today!

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Thats awesome I am still a little bit too on edge to read that stuff yet but that gives me hope that I also can swallow my pride and read it as well.

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