I bought a ticket

Rub the counter tops? With lysol?!

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@sleepybug. Please don’t do anything “out of the ordinary” for a while, like a month, as you’re currently switching meds. Switching meds can be quite rough and emotional.

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No just rub my hand along those fresh counter tops and tap my nails.

You know what I’m saying…

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I am just so tired… ive had enough… i wanna be alone and find myself…

I get the impression that the reason you’re always switching meds is because you desperately want to enjoy the life you have. But maybe it’s not the life for you. You have dreams of grand adventures, and those needs aren’t being met. At some point, you have to ask, “is it a medication problem, or just you wanting something different?”

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I think if i die… i will be comfortable… i am so tired with my expectations and values and life in general… i need to be on my own. I bought the ticket for marche 31st. I will pay my taxes and prepare everything then leave.

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That’s the med switch talking. It’s going to be a rough few weeks. Trust me on this. Just don’t do anything for a few weeks. You’ll have to ride it out.

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I hope this trip is what you need and helps you connect with something. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down, though. Finding meaning in life is a never ending journey. Good luck.

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Who is sooner88?

He’s cool. A good guy.

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Everybody is changing nicknames so i dont know

He is gay I think…

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Yeah he is. 1515

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And how is that relevant to me?

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Sending you love :heart: and hugs :hugging:!
Hope you figure out what is best for you and how you can achieve your dreams and live a happy life! :heart_eyes_cat:
Be mindful of the effects your med switch has on you and don’t ever give up. Happiness is not impossible.

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Well you are doing better than me when I was your age if that’s any comfort. When I was 28 I was in the middle of a serious crack addiction. My life was a mess. Every day was just a new misery while losing almost everything.

As to purpose, you make your own. If you can’t do what you really want, than just channel all your energy into something else. I never give much thought into purpose. That’s an esoteric thing that I don’t dwell on.

I just try to do what’s in front of me and occasionally have a little fun. I feel for you. You have more to lose than me. You’ve had more going for you than me. Before I got sick I didn’t talk to anybody at school or practically anywhere else. You’ve has a taste of the good life while I lived with just one or two friends over a period of years.

my credit line was declined for some reason - the expiry date was wrong apparently. I am glad in a way.
I didn’t get the ticket. After crying and drinking a little - I slept and when I woke up I changed my mind.

I am so grateful for what I have but I am sad and lonely - I am not sure if I can live a life without purpose other than day to day activities. I don’t know how people do it. I can not have kids - I am mentally unstable, it’s not logical for me to seek family and mental stability and comfort?

I have been on my own since I was 18.

The only logical thing for me to do is bring my sister here - with her family and my mom. I am not sure how. I don’t have 50K

Have you talked to them about this over the phone? What do they say about your unhappiness?

Also, you can find a purpose without being a mother. Care for people in need. Do what inspires you. If you are to unwell right now for that so be it. I take vicarious joy in my nieces and nephews. My wife and I never had kids but she works in the adoption field and it is rewarding for her.

Be kind to yourself right now.

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My heart goes out to you sleepybug. You sound like you’re going through a rough time with existential angst. Please give it a month though. Things won’t seem so bad then, once the med change is over. At the moment, you can’t see the wood for the trees. You’ll be able to see things more clearly in a while.

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