I am stuck in outer darkness... is anyone else there?

I was sent here about 3 years ago and I’m seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I must be the evil one described in the Bible. Lazarus is being comforted and I am in torment because I was a piece of ■■■■. And God isn’t letting this go. I feel like I will never escape this. And the worst part is I deserve it. What do I do?

I also have Lazarus ideation. I used to think I was Jesus, but maybe I’m Lazarus, because of my illnesses.

Perhaps it’s bad karma, that does it to us, or bad decisions, or just the illness. Or maybe God is using us for his art.

Well if you are Lazarus then you have hope because he is comforted at the end of the story. What other illnesses do you have?

The fantasy character you end up identifying with to some extent is based on your beliefs. And it is a fantasy character, because the suffering a schizophrenic undergoes is truly fantastic, so you backwards rationalize that it must be because you are someone incredibly special. But, realistically, schizophrenia is a huge impediment, and being even average in output with the malady would be a stretch.

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I have chronic boils (hidradenitis), along with some other stuff I don’t want to get into right now. It’s too depressing. But, Lazarus had boils, so that’s one reason I think it’s me.

I feel like I’m a thousand different fictional people. Had dreams about a past life of the horror movie Jacob’s ladder…creeped me out. I used to be an atheist but had paranormal stuff in a simulation happen to me. Thought I had a 11/10 mormon girlfriend in a past life…former coworker lol. Dont even know if she’s mormon or not. Super hot and beautiful. I even thought about being mormon myself because of parallel universes. My mom told me it’s a false religion. Dont want to piss mom off.

Off topic lol.

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I feel like I’m a messenger of God.

I’m here, to listen. Speak your mind, hon! I don’t think you’re Lazarus.

I’m sorry to hear that. I honestly am looking for someone who is in outer darkness. From sinning. I worry I am the only one here and destined for hell afterwards.

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