I was raped as a kid and Im sz and sex scares the ■■■■ out of me.
Same. And sex was terrifying afterwards for a long time, with both men and women. Luckily, I happened to respond to a craigslist ad for a roommate with a woman who happened to be a sexual trauma counselor. She helped me see that sex can be a positive and fun thing, in the right corcumstances.
When I met my husband, he had his own issues surrounding sex. So we moved glacially slow. It was a month before he was even allowed to hold my hand. When we started doing physical things, we had a rule that I always had to initiate everything. That made it a lot easier for me to feel in control of my own sexuality for once. Over time, I was able to try more and more things, and even enjoy them for the first time ever.
Now, we have been together almost three years, and I still initiate everything sexual. He is allowed to kiss me, and hold my hand, but all other physical intimacy is completely under my control. When I want sex, I get it, and when I don’t, he has porn. He never pressures me or makes me feel guilty for saying no. That is the real key. If I felt guilty about refusing sex, then it would still be a source of anxiety for me and I would never enjoy it. But instead, he just respects me.
I don’t know if I’m scared of sex or not because I’ve never had it…
Thank you ninjastar.
I am happy for my polyamous relationship these guys love me. I am happy polyamous, I am trying to figure out why. I guess it feels right. Always has since I was little. Is anyone else polyamous? Have more that one full blown relationship? I have two.
I have PTSD from a few things that I’m still not comfortable talking about, but suffice to say that sex and bodily contact were never things I could deal with. Thus I’ve never been married and have no children.
I met my girlfriend, who also has schizophrenia, 5 years ago. I owned (still own) a house, and she rented a condo from her brother. We dated for a year, then we mutually decided she would move into my house. We had a Queen bed, but we immediately had a problem: if any part of her body touched my body I would reflex. One night her toe touched my calf and I elbowed her in the head. She was okay, but I knew I had a problem. I decided to sleep on the floor in the corner of the bedroom. I did that for about 6 months, but then she got the idea of making a barrier that ran down the middle of the bed. That got me back to sleeping in the bed with her.
She was so compassionate and patient with me. It took a few years, but I’m happy to say that I can now fall asleep, and not reflex, when our bodies are touching.