I have gotten too big. I eat anything with protein in it and it’s usually shitty unhealthy saturated fat laden processed food. I also can only do ten pull ups and a 3 mile run takes me 29 minutes. I’m too big for most of my clothes. I am up to here with this ■■■■. I’m gonna go back to actual fitness and just do body weight exercises and run a whole lot more. This buffness is not healthy. Like loading on caffeine and carbs and then lifting insane amounts of weight is actually good for me? Wtf.
For my field, I can’t be this buff. It’s an indicator of psychological problems unless someone is doing it for a living, like personal trainers, sports science majors, ect. And that doesn’t apply to me in the least so no, it is not okay.
So back to military style fitness. 3-5 mile runs Monday through Friday, lots of push ups and pull ups, different types of them, lots of flutter kicks and leg raises, planks, pistol squats (one leg squat on a box), calve raises on a platform, blah blah no more 200g protein no more eat all of the ■■■■ in sight no more slow ass runs, no more looking like Bane from The Dark Knight Rises. I actually am that big. It’s just gone too far. I look like an idiot, going into the field of psychology applying as a doctoral student, what the ■■■■, no.
I just saw my shrink, he basically agrees and told me to eat differently, maybe see a nutritionist to get back into actual health and not be built like a ducking gorilla.
I am sick of this ■■■■. I can’t even look at my reflection, it makes me say hateful crap to myself and then I can’t stop and it lasts for hours into the AM.
I don’t even like looking like this. I make the stereotype of us being dangerous very ■■■■■■■ salient. I mean I actually am. I research that ■■■■, it’s even one of the scales in my study.