how are you? i feel kind of like nothing exciting or horrible.
at least i am not depressed right now.
what’s new in your emotional end?
judy
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Yes I feel quite neutral.
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Lately I just feel lost.
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“Not all those who wander are lost”
Tolkien wrote that I believe…
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I’ve been feeling quite neutral for the last 14 years. And I love it. It sure beats “hell bent on suicide”.
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I can relate to it, @ifeelblessed For the past 5 years I was nither miserable nor happy. Just like a cup of cool milk, not hot not cold. But I started feeling a little more confident and happier this year.
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I’m kinda hyper today, might end up needing a Klonopin. I’m just recovering from trying to lower my Haldol by 10 mg and giving myself three psychotic episodes for the trouble. I still feel very fragile and raw from that, but I’m back up to my therapeutic level and evening out.
Sometimes when something good happens I feel a fleeting relaxation and a little bit of optimism. I told my mentor at school about all the stuff I’ve been doing and asking what I need to do to get a job if anything differently. He told me that I should expect to get multiple job offers when I graduate, so that felt awesome.
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I drove to Home Depot to buy a hand brush for scrubbing floors. On the way there after the insanity of the California expressway, I was driving along the road pondering how I keep having these terrible days (or at least part of them) and thinking my life is over yet somehow I survive and the next day or even later on that day I have these really good days where I think I’m on the right track in my life.
I spend most of my life numb. Better than suicidal but could be better still.
Happy about 90% of the time, been this way for 3 years. Thought it was mania after a year or two but it keeps on going. I figured out what it is and have written a book. I think I can help other people become happier.
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I would rather be not miserable than miserable
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