I am mentally scared from hospitalization

I don’t celebrate any holidays, when I was put into mental ward I always received a shot of haldol, diazapam and quetiapine whenever I spoke of roman/greek gods. Whenever i raised my concern or voice I was injected again. Whenever I told my doctor i believe in bioenergy the same happened. In a month period I received around 90 shots into my butt, I could not sit or lay on my back because my butt was aching badly, I begged them to give me pills instead, but they refused, because they thought I would not take them (Even though I was taking every single pill they gave me). Right now I am mentally scarred to celebrate any holiday, express opinion or just have an argument because in my head i think I will be hospitalized or i’ll get a shot of drugs that will put me out instantly and I wont remember few days at all.

You must have really acted up. 90 shots? Wow.

I was getting at least 3 a day, they thought i was not taking the pills, even though i took in front of them and gulped with water.

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