i know i should not compare to others because i am in big trouble but i pay attention to this still. i am so clumsy and flegmatique while the others have energy,power, are making fine with the activities… they seem to me sooo alive and me,iam dead.
take care
Id be more concerned with your own happiness and not living up to some standard.
Just from you said there i determine you to be the type of person id be more inclined to have a real friendship with.
Those with fleeting minds are running all the time.
Emotionality is the grounds for extensive irrational behavior… All for what? The sake of being human? The feeling of embracing impulse? Is that the only way the people know how to determine who they are?
A bit of a tangent…
Beyond thrill seeking and submission to emotion there is another human tendency that is irrational, the tendency to be jealous.
To be jealous of those who find it easier to float from this to that… Those who don’t need the bigger picture to function. Those whose selves seem superior by functionality, but have only a sliver of the depth of hose who actually feel. Those who have weight to their identity…
No one is truly better than the other. Positives and negatives on both sides…
But when it comes down to the people I’d choose to be around. It is those who aren’t demanding, those who can handle silence, those with patience, and those who really do care about whoever is around them.
Most folk have sold out to this untested modern sensationalism and its all they know.
I like the sz folk. Most of all of the people on here seem a lot more relatable than the real life crowd.
Be strong @Anna1
We’re all here for you.
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soitgoes,thank you very much… 
yeah,i am just freaking out that ill be the vicim of others cause i am clumsy and inadequate… while the key is in my own happiness as you say … i still feel my brain inside my head, it will explode there…i am trying to distract myself by listening music and watching some stuff on the net…
but dont you find as me the others speed? i am disabled i suppose, i cant even shout at the others,probably by fear… i should relearn this also… and the meds arent the miracle for me,maybe if i stay on them a year or more,dont know…
kiss 
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You’re gonna be fine anna.
All that stuff is irrelevant really. You dont have to think about it.
Clumsy lol. That may be. Coordination doesn’t come easily for some.
You’re very much adequate. People love you. You’ll find your place in life.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who don’t get a chance to have food, shelter, meds… Count your blessing and be thankful.
There is still a lot you can do.
ok,ill try to stay positive. i am strange in real life, you see me,i am funny with my clumsiness, my sister laughs at me… yeah, i cant feel love anymore,it sucks 
i am trying to give at the moment. i didnt want to do anything at a time. now i know there is no miracles from meds… i am still quite concerned about myself but i hope it will change.
bye, bye soitgoes 
YET - they are not a miracle for you YET. Give things time, and if you aren’t getting better then talk to your doctor about other medications or a medications adjustment.
It takes time, and small steps forward. Don’t rush things - recovery doesn’t happen in days… it takes time.
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I’m surprised how well Risperdal works for me. Only problem is weight gain and decreased motivation to the point that it is disabling. I feel I can’t work on it. I was going to try geodon but I felt it was too dangerous while tapering off Risperdal and the initial low dose I had to be on before moving up. I felt it wasn’t worth a relapse. I concluded that it’s better to be on Risperdal.
thanks to both of you… sometimes i kinda feel what like it should be my well being… i am so derealizated and hurt,its astonishing me still :/… risperdal is the only ap i didnt try but they say it looks like invega…i have an idea for new post, sorry to post all the time but i live isolated and thats helping my loneliness to whom i become addicted in the time and it wasnt good ,yeah… i was so ill i didnt realise thats a problem. kisses
We’re all a bit different. I struggle too. I feel like I experience the same life after a sequence of similar lives, over and over again for eternity. A living hell. I feel that no matter what I do, whether it’s sitting differently, moving differently, thinking differently, I can’t change the fact that I’ve done it before and have no ability to change it. That the universe is just an output of a computer program or is deterministic like some clock, that even randomness isn’t really random because it repeats like a mother ■■■■■■ and there’s nothing I can do about it. That my déjà vu or whatever gives me unique cosmic insight into the hell and insanity of the universe. That all my actions have been predetermined since or before the Big Bang.
wow,its kinda of delusional… me i was feeling like another person at the bottom of my illness. i didnt felt like me. so plus the derealization i have depersonnalization also probably… a lots of symptoms that i had. probably the fact that ive refused to struggle at the time… now i am kinda of idiot but thats ok. i was watching homeland now-season 5… its 2 am in the morning here, sometimes its easier in the night,yeah
What part of the world are you in? You’re obviously not in North America given the time there right now.
Don’t every apologize for posting - that is what these forums are for, thats why they are here.
Thanks for posting!!
i am in east europe wow
you ll see, i am too focused on myself. i am on another french forum and there i was almost lynched because of my complaining, it was hellish for me and for the others but i think here you can go by not be noticed so much which is cool for me
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Some day my “delusions” won’t be called delusions and will be more mainstream. In some circles, there not delusions but philosophical and scientific inquiries. The strongest case for randomness that I am aware of ( besides radio active decay and emisions) is quantum mechanics. But It could just appear that way. Maybe they haven’t found better equations to model the strange phenomenon. I remember taking a class on randomness and the professor said randomness exists but it may not be random to someone ( a god) outside the universe. Without going into detail, some have suggested déjà vu is evidence of parallel universes; parallel universes is a conclusion derived from string theory and quantum mechanics; and the idea of being in a computer simulation is not a fringe topic anymore ( Google simulation argument by nick Bostrom). More physicists are thinking information is the basis of reality ( ones and zeros). It is delusional to say I know the truth or have unique insight, I’ll give you that. But I feel I do, so I guess I am delusional by your standards. I just want to figure it out.
Sorry for the long post and, no, I’m not mad. I just feel some of my views or thoughts about the possibilities of reality are not delusional as people think.
ok,sorry, i really cant think sometimes. i am just trying to socialise
otherwise, i had a lot of deja vus on one ap-clopixol,it was hell…