nope. i don’t handle them well either. They make me paranoid, ever. i am on Depakote with the Zyprexa. Sorry that i kill your help here, but i tried many meds, really. I am tired of seeking the miracle in the meds. I told you, even one pdoc told me that i took too many meds. i was dumb…
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i guess i still need time. But i am afraid ill get old like this, that’s all.
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It seems like you may be doing better. Give yourself some credit. Wasn’t it that you weren’t going out at all, and now you are a bit?
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We all have a sobbingstory to tell. Concentrate on the positives. You become aware of your situation, that is progress. Its up to you to do something about it.
You’re stronger than I am Anna. I’m pretty sure If the meds didn’t help me and I wasn’t recovering I probably would have committed suicide sooner or later, but you have been strong and suffered through it all. It’s sad how much people with schizophrenia suffer from their illness and stigma and from being crippled. I don’t have any advice for you I just wanted to let you know you are strong even if you don’t see anything good about yourself.
Thank you… Well, i made a 5 minute walk. I am pissed off, that i cant sit for example for a few on a bench outside, but i am like this. In my head, its the paranoia there. Some feeling of danger, of helplessness too. Then i got a bit numb, but calmer at my house. And now, i start to get mu usual evening apocalyptic thinking, which worries me most in my illness. Cause then, i see my future very darkly. Were you like this too? Why i worry like this in the evening to a point to get paralyzed with pain in my emotions, instead of having a mood or emotions? I feel very dumb then. I just have those racing thoughts, where i don’t have positive feelings. It sux to feel insensible like this…
@twinklestars, i was going for a bit before too. But never in the center city, never with my friends on a coffee outside. I don’t have really a progress on this. I go out once and then i stay home for 3 days in a row. So its not really a progress 
…
I didn’t mean to come across non sympathetic @Anna1
I think I try to rationalize and make sense
but if you feel you’ve had a bad life, what can I say?
it’s a tragedy, and you should keep pushing forward.
yes, i try. But in my evenings, i just sit here, feeling heavy, heavy soul, heavy feelings and just cant move. I told you, i don’t have much time in front of me. @Daze, are your parents tough with you? Cause you know, my mother is very disappointed by me. She says ill never have a family or friends or job. I don’t understand why she is like this…
Sure it is, just begin working towards going out longer, or with fewer days in between. Like 10 minutes instead of 5, or 2 days between instead of 3.
I also am consumed by fear and worry and I have been this way so long it is hard to imagine being another way, and yet I have been able to stop some of my OCD compulsions over many years, so I know longstanding problems can be eased. I suppose the key is to understand that the changes are frequently incremental. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes, it takes however long it takes.
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