I always lose my best friend

Beautiful words. So sorry to hear you are sad and lost your best friend. Hang in there

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I push everyone away. I do it on purpose too.

Why doesn’t you think you do that?

For a million reasons. I get paranoid. But for the most part I tell myself I can live without them so I drop all contact.

Part of it is also a bad childhood. I can’t make connections to people easily. And when I get paranoid I freak out and cut them out.

I want to make normal healthy human relations and it’s really hard

I understand. It can be tough. I felt lack of connection and paranoia about people. Some I cut contact with depending on the severity of paranoia. I too had a rough childhood. Some friends I stayed in contact with but had paranoid thoughts about them. I I have learned since how to feel more connected to people and realized some friends I had paranoia about I shouldn’t have because they really are good friends. Maybe talking to a counselor about your struggles would help you.

I even feel lack of connection to my family :frowning: I was taken away when i was young and it’s just been really hard to keep connections since. I don’t want to keep cutting people out. I’ve cut basically everyone out. I even moved away so that I could cut everyone out. I need to do something about it.

For me the drifting away from people was like a force of gravity I couldn’t say no to

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That’s exactly what it’s like. It’s like I don’t have control over it. And I just snap and cut people out.

I can’t stop and I’m just pushing more and more people away

I don’t really know what to tell you… I couldn’t do anything about it for the longest time… I’m now hoping it’s getting better but I’m not sure

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It’s not an easy one. Broken bits don’t always fit back together

Yea that might be true but I always believe things will get better

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I hope things get better too

I feel like u we are in the right direction

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I’m getting there.

Best of luck…!
Take care

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@Misha_belle, I used to do this too when I was paranoid. I don’t do it anymore. Now, my paranoid friends do this to me.

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