Husband wants kids, I don't think I could handle it

I’ve been doing incredibly well on Vraylar with the addition of its mood stabilizing effects, elimination of delusions/visuals and I also trust future medications will be even better. That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t handle stress or responsibility very well, nor do I imagine any medication will ever improve that. I still struggle with cognitive issues that are, in fact, worsening with age.
There are no studies done for Vraylar during breastfeeding, which means switching meds (something I don’t care for) as I don’t trust potential side effects and I’d have to be off them completely for three months during the third trimester regardless. Off medication I have vivid physical, visual hallucinations, tons of delusions, get scarily angry, feel incredibly depressed and frightened, and I’m supposed to go through that plus all the hormonal changes…?
I don’t even feel a desire to have children. It’s not something I was interested in as a child like he was nor is it something I feel now at 26. That being said, he is the love of my life and my companion. I am very shy and have few friends. Without him life would be very isolative, and well, I care for his life. But I don’t want to raise a child that wouldn’t be cared for well, and one that I don’t feel connected to.
I feel extremely pressured and torn.
I am really stuck between losing the love of my life or living with constant enduring stress and feeling I created life just to please someone else. Both are terrible feelings.
Time alone may change my desire to become a parent, but it will never change the realities of having schizophrenia. Am I letting my illness hold me back, or being realistic about it?


Please don’t have children unless you are 100% ready and committed to the idea of it. Your husband will have to satisfy his need to have children in his life some other way. He can mentor or be an Uncle perhaps.


I agree with @leaf . From what you’ve said it would be a disaster. Don’t make the biggest mistake of your life.


You are being realistic about it and doing what’s right for you.

My husband and I decided not to have children before we were married,

When I found out I was pregnant, we decided on adoption.

My pregnancy was rough off meds.

Then I pumped breastmilk for another few months, also not on meds.

Don’t recommend the experience.

Especially considering you have such severe symptoms.

Don’t let your husband pressure you into a life long commitment you can’t handle.

You have to think of yourself first.


@Longamor, your post reminds me SO much of my situation! My husband wanted kids too and I was open to it but tbh I never ever in my life wanted kids. Fortunately I remain childless.

Pregnancy scares me as well as dealing with sick kids and the noise and chaos they bring, and not having any time to myself.

Plus with my sza it will undoubtedly undo me completely.

Off meds I have severe depression, agitation, jumbled thoughts, anxiety, mood swings, aggression, and hear voices more than on meds.

My pdoc advised my husband that I couldn’t cope with kids.

Fortunately he accepts this which is a big relief!


i live for my son such a big blessing

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Thank you for the advice everyone. I’m going to discuss it more with a trusted counselor and figure out what I’ll tell him. I know it’s a big dream of his. It’s funny, I used to like being alone. Now I cant stand it. I don’t quite know what to do if things don’t work out.

I’ll be honest with you. If I’d known I was going to develop OCD/Schizoaffective Disorder I never would have had any children. At all. It’s really hard on them. Plus I suspect that my son may be schizophrenic. Don’t do it.


I had three children knowing that I was SZA. All of my children are on the Autism spectrum. One of them may have mental illness. It is just a lot to deal with.

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