Hurting or harming? Letting a cousin sit in jail even though we're the only ones that can bail him out

He’s been on meth for years.

We actually let him live with us for a few months to get on his feet,

But he started using again.

It ended dramatically.

That was years ago.

Currently, he’s been arrested on possession of meth and has been trying to get us to bail him out.

We’re really the only ones who can because his own mother is refusing to.

When the mother went to get his impounded car,

It looked as if he’d been living in it.

I think it’s a good idea to let him sit in jail, sober up and have three hot meals a day.

Seems like something he hasn’t had on the outside.

My husband is starting to feel bad about him being in jail and might cave in.

What do you think?

Let him stay in jail or bail him out?


Bail him out! ASAP.

The terrible things that happen in prisons cannot be understated. You could even get in more trouble defending yourself in there.

Have a heart and get him out. :heart:

It’s arguable that living in your car and smoking meth (or however he’s using) is terrible too.

And I know he’s not going to show up to court.

I don’t know.

Jail is scary, but so is his life on the streets right now.

I’d let him stay in jail. He needs to learn.

Addicts generally need to hit their bottom before they clean up. If you pull him out too early you could be setting him for more years of using, which he may not survive.


He’s seemingly hit rock bottom several times.

It never takes.

He’s also been to expensive, cushy California rehab like five times.

He comes from money, but has been cut off recently.

Everyone has given up on him and my husband doesn’t want him to feel like he is.

I still think he should stay in jail.

I agree bailing him out could be a bad idea.


I agree with @velociraptor .

Jail sucks a fat one, but there are resources he can use while in there. Things like detox programs, the library, education, social workers.

Meth is a terrible and extremely addictive drug. He might have a tragic end on the streets.

Take care, Rexy. :hugs:


Tough situation, personally I think sobering up in jail is the best option for him right now.


Being cut off by family is one of the bigger motivators to clean up. Well, for many, I’m kind of broken in this department if I’m being honest here.

Let him stay. At least you will know where he is and he will be fed.

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I would leave him in. Probably safer in there. :butterfly::butterfly::butterfly:

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Bail him out ASAP… he can get drugs in their and the food isn’t edible.

Best he learns while on meth your on your own, maybe he will have some sober thoughts in jail

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I think you should leave him in jail.

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My sister and I left my alcoholic dad in jail for 5 months so he’d clean up and he did. It sometimes isn’t nice but addictions need a special type of love.

I would write to him bc some of the biggest joys an inmate has is when they get a letter. Otherwise it’s probably better for him and you guys if he stays in. He could get on a work program if he behaves himself.

I honestly have no idea what I would do. That’s a really tough call, and it seems like there are only bad options. Jail sucks. Releasing him onto the streets sucks. Both could end with him in better or worse shape, and there’s really no way to know which it would be.

The way I have approached my recovery in life has been by constantly trying new things. When something doesn’t work, I try something else. It sounds like you’ve already tried giving him a place to stay, sending him to rehab, letting him live his own life, and lots of other options that would definitely be more humane and compassionate. Has he ever stayed in jail before? I know it can go badly for a lot of people, but it can sometimes be the catalyst for growth. Ultimately, he will keep using until either he dies, or he decides his life is worth fighting for. Different people learn that lesson in different ways.

Sorry you have to handle this decision. It is a lot to weigh on your mind.


Going to a young offenders institute when I was 17 got me clean

I served only 1 month of a 12 month sentence, because the judge changed my sentence to a rehab order

It turned my life around (Sz another story…)

Will always remember that moment when I realised none of it was worth it, and the court appointed drugs key worker I had was brilliant

I’d be dead without that person having my back like he did and untangle the mess with my family, ‘friends’, drugs and my relationship with myself

Hopefully if you let this play out, is there any chance he could get placed on a program like that?


Another thing to consider, but you don’t get the bail money back if he dodges court, right? And you know in advance he will dodge court.

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I take it the husband reads this site… He might as well make an account.

What are you talking about?