I haven’t been able to afford therapy lately. Well, my therapist actually says I can pay him whenever. We have a good relationship. But I refuse to take advantage of that and see him without paying.
The demons have come back again after being absent for like a solid 2 months and I am not handling it well. It is so frustrating because I am still taking my AP religiously but the demons don’t seem to care. I have been having nightmares every night/day of being horribly sexually abused. I can’t stand it. I had a panic attack the other day because my husband asked why I was refusing to shower and I admitted it was because I didn’t want to get undressed and potentially provoke a demon attack.
Therapy has focused on getting me to basically say the abuse is just hallucinations and nothing more and to not be bothered by it. Well I don’t care if it’s just hallucinations it is torture to me. My body doesn’t know the difference. I feel disgusting when it happens. Absolutely disgusting. I have been drawn to drinking hard liquor again for the first time in months because of it. I have told my husband that the abuse is happening but can’t bring myself to discuss specifics. I can’t imagine telling my parents about it. I feel so alone and helpless.
If your struggling then er which is problematic or perhaps see your therapist and pay later. If you need help then you need professional help and we aren’t anywhere near that.
Don’t drink. It will make things worse and dig a deeper hole. Perhaps a med change or adjustment is in order. It’s never what anyone wants to hear but it’s worth a shot.
The issue is it is most likely being caused by my development of tolerance to my narcolepsy med which results in hyper realistic dreams that are more like hallucinations than true dreams. The only way I can lose this tolerance is to go off of my narcolepsy medicine for around a week straight which amplifies everything severely. When my narcolepsy med was working properly I did not have these dreams or issues. The dreams trigger my psychosis due to the demons and sexual content.
Basically I just have to “tough it out” while I lose tolerance to my narcolepsy med. But this is much easier said than done.
Yeah feel your pain. So. Avoid the alcohol and come up with a plan to get through. There are no demons and your therapist was working on some strategies. As I say. Better to have a chat and pay later if you need it. You need specialist help with the narcolepsy too so you need to sort that out. I’m not sure what your options are there if any so apologies for the stock standard reply.
I’m sorry your suffering and hope you sort out some better actions moving forward.
I am seeing a neurologist for my narcolepsy. Unfortunately I am on the highest dose of my med and no other meds for narcolepsy have worked out with me (either triggering heart problems or psychosis). She has discussed with me before that really the only solution is to take “breaks” from my narcolepsy medicine to lose tolerance or else be ok with taking naps and having the hallucinatory dreams once a day.