My brain sometimes makes weird associations. The most troubling one is this:
I was in line for using a public bathroom, and a woman came out of a stall. She had a very recognisable ethnicity. When I went in, the stall reeked of poop, and it made me gag.
Ever since then, whenever I see someone of her ethnicity, I recall the smell off poop, and have to struggle not to look disgusted.
I’m not racist, at least I don’t think I am, but I now associate those people with poop. It’s like I can’t think of anything else when I’m around them, and it really bothers me.
I want to rid myself of this association.
How do I do that?
And how do I stop myself from making similar ones in the future?
I suspect I do have intrusive thoughts, but I struggle to understand what excatly intrusive thoughts are.
I used to think I had “mind-tourettes” because I’d feel words of obscenities in my head when looking at people, even though I didn’t feel that way about them at all.
I still do sometimes.
I had the same problem for a while, when I saw people I thought of horrible things to say and even command voices of weird things to do to them. They eventually went away, but at the time I had a hard time with the idea that they were actually my own thoughts.
I get weird things like this occasionally and all I know to do is remind myself that I don’t actually believe those things. That smell is a strong memory sense whatever I’m trying to say. And then I makes myself think something nice about the person.
OMG I totally know what you mean!! I stated it yesterday, but I have a really hard time with fellow gay men who express their sexuality more and becoming friends or even talking with them due to past bullies. I’ve also got a thing against certain accents, smells, looks, and the whole 9 yards…
What I started doing was conditioning myself to be around the people I associate negatively. I’ve made wonderful and amazing friends I wouldn’t have ever been able to approach last year. SO essentially I just hang out with someone that would trigger that thought and associate them with something that doesn’t bother me about them. Kind of a weird process though… :'D
Don’t flip out about them - don’t overreact when you think them, just think, “oh, it’s just a memory of that bathroom” and don’t fight the association. Just note it, remember why you thought that, and don’t beat yourself up for it.
You know the phrase, Don’t think of a pink elephant? Because you would normally never think of one, but as soon as someone tells you not to, it’s all you can think about? This is the same - if you focus on not thinking these thoughts, you’re just going to keep thinking them. So instead, just note them and move on with your day.
Maybe make a point to smile or exchange a few words if you meet someone of that ethnicity so that you can also store up some pleasant associations, too, while you’re at it.
dude, i have thoughts like this all the time. in fact, they dominate my every waking moment. i haven’t found a way to stop it at all!
have you ever considered that your mind is just becoming simpler. in other words, your thought processes are becoming more emotional and less rational. so what you’re experiencing is irrational
and who goes into public bathrooms expecting to smell something good? on another note, our delusional thought processes can drive us to thing in strange ways. random things seem connected or ideas we find problematic can become intense focuses. our thoughts can become profane, violent, discriminatory or just generally harmful.
i believe that we are truly mentally sick, when an sz goes on a violent rampage or whatever, we all have the capacity to think in those ways. unfortunately for many of us, meds can only help so much.
