How do I let go of the weaponization of my abilties by others who think being a free spirit is dangerous.
I think its time for me to take the next step on my path and move beyond this matrix of illusion.
I’m tired of medicating my reality. Truthfully, the best years or times in my life were unmedicated and non-domesticated by conformists. Its time for me to leave, because I’ve surrendored all the power and energy Ive had to the one authority, and I am unhappy here.
You can’t lose at their game if you’re not playing their game.
I’ve been playing myself long enough. I dont care what these so called professionals think. They get paid for the system and the system is an inorganic machine just recyling itself endlessly, no hope to chance of progress. I can’t exist in this matrix, I can only exist outside it, as I am. My powers have been used enough against this world. I dont want to participate anymore in a Genocide of the spirit.
If you’ve tried before being off meds what was it like for you?
For me it was like being in another realm of existence. One that others wanted to crush. One where anything was possible and I felt free. One I could dream, imagine, do art and anything I put my mind to I could acheive. One where I was magnetic, where people were drawn to me.
My downfall came honestly because I was too open-minded, compassionate, and I allowed people to infiltrate my domain, my inner power, essence of who I was. It was the junkies who called me crazy, and my best friends and close fam. who encouraged me and said they thought I was misdaisgnosed from the start. People often said you dont seem crazy to me, it built up my confidence, it was an entire journey of self-actualization and discovery when I went off meds and came into my own self worth.
I dont identify with the label and yet due to financial restrictions placed on me by people who have more money, it sort of conditioned and forced me into this system. I dont even know that Abilify helps at all, it could be worsening whatever the symptom could be. I dont have symptoms, usually you would be treating a symptom I was just told to take pills so that I never have symptoms.
Have you been off abilify for some time?
whole. I felt whole. Maybe dealing with some “symptoms” but I was able to endure or even stop whatever it was from bothering me. i was never depressed. I just had to learn to deal with the angry outbursts of others when they confronted me. I had to set boundaries people were always hitting or throwing things or getting mad when I even questioned their role in my life. It was never me intruding on anyone else. It was secret hidden abuse that I have tried to forgive forget and reconcile but I dont think thats right.
I’m not sure. It probably doesn’t make that much of a difference. Its about who i am, not the medication–thats what its about. Its about what Im capable of. I took Buspar and suddenly thought I had time traveled, they had me taking it 3x a day. I was so sensitive to it that I thought it made me time travel. But no, I was literally just spacing out as I walked around the neighborhood.
If Abilify keeps me logical than Im fine with taking it. the problem is why do I need to take this chemical to stay rational or logical, does that mean the laws of our universe are not so neatly defined as they would have it? I often thought we lived in a sort of chaotic matrix of energy and that beneath the surface we were all one, atomic energy waiting to be acted upon and realized.
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