Schizophrenia.com

How to leave depression behind

I still feel the chains of depression holding me some days. Today and yesterday have been those kinds of days. Fears of inadequacy, fears of relapse, fears of not being able to finish my degree… fears of failure mostly.

I’ve been wanting silence and alone time. Sleeping a lot, not wanting to shower every day and not willing to be more social.

Some friends have been calling me to do stuff but I’m staying at home studying practically every day. And it’s not been enough because I’m not being able to memorize stuff. I feel this illness took a toll on my learning abilities. I used to be so sharp and focused in classes, good grades without trying very hard. Lately I have to study everyday for at least three hours and yet it doesn’t seem enough.

Studying so much doesn’t leave me time to socialize with my friends. I miss them and fear that they will move on with their lives.

I’m better than I was just six months ago, I’ve been able to be strong about leaving my depressed days of watching tv all day and crying. I haven’t cried in a while now, although this past two days I feel like crying but the tears wont come out.

I walk 40 minutes from school everyday and have been exercising three times a week and feel the changes, feel more energized during the day. But saturdays I’m always so tired.

Anyway, I’m feeling that I’m not being able to tackle my depression so well, and fear of falling into the suicide ideation abyss again.

I want to be a better person too. I feel like I haven’t been much supportive lately and want that to change.

I just don’t feel well today.

So, I want to know your coping mechanisms, the things you guys do to leave depression at bay.

I might discuss some AD with my pdoc in January, when I have my appointment.

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@Minnii you’re always friendly and your presence on this forum has made an impact on all of us. I consider you my friend :revolving_hearts:

It’s ok to take saturdays off. What you went through wasn’t easy. I also feel difficulty learning new things and what you’re studying is not easy at all. I’m proud of you for doing this.

Diet has a huge impact on depression. I know you eat well but try adding more food that gives good feelings like avocado, potatoe and nuts like pistachios and walnuts. Ive also read good things about sunflower seeds. You can research more about this.

Other than that, i think it’s ok if you get a comfy boyfriend to cuddle with or a pet. If you like cats, they help a lot when they purr.

Exercise is good, keep going and try to sweat more. Sweating is the best and youll feel amazing afterwards.

Take it easy. Youre doing your best and im sure you can do this :muscle:

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Im not trying to be nihilistic @Minnii but I do tend to view the world as Nihilism and I am completely dedicated to it.

Thank you honey bunny :smile: That means a lot. Seriously, a lot. :heart:

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what i was trying to say was that depression is not really such a bad thing

yeah, that’s not really helpful right now. Not the right mindset for me.

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I would ask to work towards finding another antidepressant or higher dose of what you’re on. That worked for me. Took some trial + error + time.

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i went to confession in the catholic church to get rid of guilt, 6 months later i felt forgiven and no more guilty feelings it worked for me

my positive optimistic thoughts, over ride my presimistic thoughts most of the time.
my thoughts create peaceful moods

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Glad it worked for you pedro. You’re a naturally positive person

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peace came upon me sometimes all i need is the air that i breath

like a t.v remote control, i can switch on the emotion most desired. it took years to figure it out but ive tapped into it

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Just remember this is temporary. Focus on how you will feel after you have taken the test and made a good grade on it. If you’re having trouble memorizing your material it could be because the material is different or more difficult in some way. You need to pat yourself on the back for being responsible.

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Thanks crimby.

Yeah, I’m too hard on myself I think. Wanted to excell, but its difficult to go back to school after so many years of drug use and psychosis. I’m being the best I can be, and that’s good enough. Thank you.

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What @waterway said was spot on.

I had depression as a teen, you know, apathetic, sleeping three hours, plummeting grades, despite great potential which landed me in things like the knowledge bowl team and honors placement in high school. It peaked when I was 13 in 7th grade. I was at a catholic school and was not cool with it, I was the black sheep closeted skeptic. I got bullied a lot and one day beat up the alpha male after confession right outside the church. Everyone was sent to confession, so everyone saw it.

It brought me out of my depression. I think that depression is often due to thinking more than brain chemistry and structure, and I have come across enough research saying that depression often comes with psychological underpinnings and then neurological changes for the worse because of the psychological state.

Now I am getting a little quack sounding, but you, @Minnii are bright, so I know you can understand this.

I think you should see a clinical psychologist, not just a psychiatrist. You deserve one, you’re a student and need the best treatment to perform your best. Some psychologists can really, I mean really help. They can get to the root of your depression and uproot it and have you feeling better, if they’re skilled. A large part of my success is due to first class psychotherapy, and subsequently I work in psychotherapy research today.

You should not sell yourself short by taking this depression as your fault and your problem. You’re ill, I’m sorry to say. There are specialist doctors for your illness- clinical psychologists. They can help more than you might imagine. You just have to be a good patient and they will help, to some degree…they will improve your condition.

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Thanks mouse for your kind words.
Yeah I’m starting therapy in january. Been a bit relunctant to start it but I know I need it.

I’m a bit of a perfectionist too, and not starting well on my first exam got to me. I think these feelings are because of it. I’ve been too stressed with family issues that I couldn’t focus so well on studying and memorizing. Definitely not doing the same mistake on the next one.

Being a perfectionist is not really that bad. It does me more good than harm. I compartmentalize my perfectionism to school and physical health. I don’t carry that crap into other people’s homes or to a restaurant with friends. It serves a purpose at my desk, in my workout clothes, and on campus. Just realize that perfect is a goal, and it’s an imaginary goal. It’s like saying you will do everything you can, but dressing that statement up as “I will be the best when compared to others”.

Don’t compete with others unless your life is in danger. Competition hurts everyone, even the winner comes out damaged. It is the way some things in life work, but it is not as good as cooperation, so use competition as a last resort.

Yeah I get that. I do the same thing. Not so much since the deep depression kicked in, but I was always like that.

I’m not competitive at all, learned at a very young age the lesson. Competition between girls is terrible, between friends can ruin friendships. Just better to be the winner sperm and compete only with myself.

There you go. Compete with yourself- that’s the way to go. I compete with the old me- me before schizophrenia. On the side, academia is competitive with others, unfortunately. I just have to do it. Not everyone gets accepted to graduate programs. It’s competitive.

But do others want to become psychologists for good reasons? Do they want to serve people or do they want to live a power trip until their sad lives are over?

If you want it done correctly…do it yourself.

Yeah, academia is really competitive. Kudos on managing it so well.

I crumble a bit when I sense fierce competition coming my way. Someone stole notes from me the other day, I couldn’t even say a word. Asked another colleague for hers and my luck, they were similar to mine so no harm done.

Sorry you’re feeling like this. I’ve been feeling down, not as bad as being depressed, because my therapist and I have been talking about my trauma. My therapist suggested using affirmations and journaling. I still haven’t done it, but I have been feeling better so not much reason to. Thoughts are a powerful thing. That’s why a lot of people use affirmations. Even if you don’t believe them or think they’re a lie, still say them. It’s kind of like fake it till you make it. Going out with your friends I think would really help. It would provide distraction and help to be around with people who care about you. Good luck!! :sunny:

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I think the first practical bit of advice I have is to form a study group. Ideally, find people in your classes that you find interesting and who also seem to have a bit of a better grasp on the material, who can make you laugh and help you find new ways to learn the material. Socialize with people who understand what you’re going through - you can help each other.

Second would be, moment to moment, class to class, day by day. You are studying for a difficult, difficult degree. I bet it’s exhausting. Focus on what’s in front of you right now. If you look at the whole picture, you’ll lose before you start. You’re not going to be perfect at everything. You probably will need to take some classes more than once. That’s fine. The fact that your school has a mechanism for that should tell you that it’s not uncommon or devastating. You’re out of practice at being a student, so brush up on study skills. Expect to have to work harder than some of your classmates. Look for tips and tricks to help you deal with the material. Ask yourself how many times you think a patient’s life or wellbeing is going to hinge on you being able to recite all the technical names of the parts of the lymphatic system. Set reasonable goals for yourself.

Third would be, let’s talk about your meds. You’ve recently started on a beta blocker, right? Even after you get through the initial shock, you’re going to have less energy than you did before. It seems reasonable to me that you’re tired by the end of the week. Pamper yourself on Saturdays and don’t feel guilty about it. Who cares if you take a shower on Saturday? It’s okay to give yourself a day off.

Okay, that’s the practical part of this comment. Moving on:

For me, one of the things that helps me the most when I am depressed is to just realize and accept that I am depressed. To stop looking around for things I’m doing wrong and acknowledge that I have less energy and I feel bleak and it’s not anything I can fix by scrambling around and berating myself.

Think of it as a rainy day - things are grey and you feel cold and gross because the sun is hidden behind clouds and water is falling from the sky. It’s not anything you did wrong. You can still go out and do what needs to be done, you can even walk with your face raised to the sky and feel the rain on your face. Stop putting pressure on yourself to fix the sky, and just accept that right now, you’re gonna get a little wet. It can’t stop you from doing things that need to be done.

I think you assume responsibility for a lot of things that aren’t under your control right now. Parents are going to be parents. Sz is going to be sz. Med school is going to be hard.

And one thing that I have been wanting to say to you: I think you’re my hero. You know I recently had some shocking news about my job. I honestly think that if I hadn’t had you as my friend, I would have curled up in a terrified ball and died.

Minnii, you are so brave and so wise. I admire you so much. Look at what you’re doing: facing your diagnosis, taking care of yourself, pursuing a medical degree. You’re so brave. I think your example is what I needed more than anything to help me through what I’m going through.

I’ve always been so afraid of the future, but it’s like you’re my big sister. I watch you pick out the path in front of you and move confidently forward, and I believe I can do it, too. I’ve never had a big sister before. I wish I had.

I know you can do it. You’re the kind of person who no one and nothing can keep down.

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