This? Just randomly guessing. A former friend had it. He was a kind and interesting person, but always felt a low grade sadness and lack of motivation/positive feelings.
Sorry you are dealing with this. Wishing you strength to cope with it.
I have thought about it but I don’t have ptsd symptoms like flashbacks to a traumatic event or avoidance of a traumatic event triggers. I made another thread and childhood sz matches all my symptoms and explains everything.
I asked my Dr if I am depressed and he said no its sz negative symptoms so he never prescribed me serotonin ADs but I tried 5htp which increases serotonin and it made me manic.
Your emotions may be blunted from meds or the disease. Or you could be so miserable from your situation that happiness is simply out of reach. I’m sorry @Aziz happiness and joy are the things that we all strive for. Never having any makes a person want to give up. I went without for so long and I thought I would never have it. Now I feel content very often and have moments of happiness and even joy sometimes. I do feel sad that it’s not like other people, but for me it’s something.
I am trying to stop asking for happiness for a while. It’s not happening. Facing the fact.
I had a near Meltdown that progressed through two days, dealing with too much social pressures, relationship pressures, self pressures of progress for myself. Got through it.
I am just gonna focus on staying functional - reduce stress, pressure, try to be okay with myself.
@Aziz, I used to be the saddest, most miserable person on earth. And yes I was suicidal. Constantly. Because I had no one who cared.
Then, I made the conscious decision that I would not need people. Not a lover, not family, not friends. I was going to create a life that I would thoroughly enjoy without them.
So, I rededicated my life to reading, yoga, piano and meditation. And I enthusiastically picked up Spanish study, massage reception, Netflix, YouTube premium, and a new 2 bed, 2 bath apartment with balcony, fitness room and pool.
Now, I am very happy. I think I could probably be just as happy in a studio or one bed, one bath without pool or fitness room really.
For me happiness comes with small things. Simple fleeting pleasures. Reading a good book. Watching a good movie, coffee with hubby, walking on the beach or in a park, watching the birds fly, talking to my budgie, eating a big bowl of pasta…
Start small. I hope you will find happiness because you deserve it. You’ve been thru a lot with your sz