How to deal with 🔦

How do you deal with some ugly memories and flashbacks?

I write a 4 line poem about them :smile:

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yeah and it’s great - maybe I should do something creative about it too =)

I don’t know how to get rid of the ugly resentment ?

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I rap about my traumatic memories

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my therapist said I should write it down - but like I just wanna erase it from my memory

I have a great day - then suddenly remember

Lucky for me my mind tends to bury them, I don’t seem to have those memories in the forefront.

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I think getting rid of the resentment is not something you can force, it has to come naturally with time. Over the years I’ve been able to let go of many things from my past, and I am a much less angry and bitter person because of it. Unfortunately, there’s not much advice I can offer on how to accomplish that. I can say that sometimes forgiveness is necessary. You don’t forgive those who hurt you for their sake, you don’t even have to tell them you forgive them, you just do it for yourself. True forgiveness can’t be forced, though; it’s something you’ll be able to do in time, when you’re ready for it. :slight_smile:

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my therapist said I should write it down - but like I just wanna erase it from my memory

Maybe write it down, and then draw a water colour piece of art to “heal” it.

this is a very humane book that might help u bug

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yeah maybe that is my problem =)
I don’t know how to forgive these stupid people - because they only hurt me because I was vulnerable - it was during psychosis and I was all alone.

Now 4 years ahead - I am doing great - just the images and words pop in my head from time to time. =(

it is also kind of funny - because it is not something dangerous or sexual or any form of physical danger - I am not sure why it has become such a big burden on my heart.

I think my problem is trying to solve the problem without doing anything about it. =(

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Yeah, I wish I could give better advice on an action to take. I would say four years isn’t a lot of time. Most of my stuff is from my childhood and adolescence, things that took me a very long time to get over. My psychotic breaks were very traumatic, but not because of anything anyone did to me during them, so there’s no one for me to forgive there. I suppose a good recent example of forgiveness would be how a year or two ago I finally fully forgave my ex-wife for the way she ended our marriage in 2008, the timing of it, and the way she treated me toward the end. I never actually told her “I forgive you,” don’t consider it necessary. She and I are actually friends now; she lives halfway across the country, so we never see each other, but we’re text buddies anyway.

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maybe that is part of the problem too - I never had any sort of closure.

I just left the country and never saw these people again.

and the other time - a year ago when I visited my family - everybody treated me with a lot of respect because the truth finally came out. We just had to deal with some sort of ugly woman that tried to ruin everybody’s life .

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Well, I’m glad that at least you are being respected now. :slight_smile:

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Talk to a therapist or someone you respect about it. Odds are it is hurting you more than the person you resent, meaning they win again. Some baggage needs to be unpacked, not for the person you hate, but for your own health.

:blush:

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my therapist is not able to help me.

I talked about it for months - did a lot of exercises - learnt about distorted thinking and what not.

Very well said, @velociraptor

that was her intention - to just cause harm and she did so well because people are dumb.

Now after recovery - I know I need to let go - just not sure how.

I’m not terribly religious, but the most helpful thing for me was doing a step five with a minister at an Anglican church as part of AA. Helped me let go of the worst of the child abuse stuff. Doesn’t mean I have to think my mom was wonderful, but I’ve mostly stopped renting her space in my head. Try to get rid of a bit more each year as the really powerful resentments don’t magically go all at once, that’s for sure.

There are all kinds of workbooks for this if you’d prefer to try it solo:

Good luck.

:heart:

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Yeah overcoming this stuff takes a LOT of work and requires subjecting yourself to a lot of unpleasantness.

I used a combination of benzos and techniques I learned in therapy to help me overcome flashbacks. Every night I used to be filled with anxiety I’d be abused again and then this anxiety would lead into a flashback. I learned to recognize this and would tell myself that I was safe and this was just anticipatory anxiety. Then I’d pop a benzo and feel calm and realized that there were no demons hurting me again, the abuse was not happening again, it was just my body reliving it. So the benzos made me safe…and then after months of this I realized I no longer got that anxiety every night again because my brain had been “re-trained” as it now realized I wasn’t going to be abused every night…

Now I am off benzos. Sometimes I do still get anxiety but with my thought processes I can prevent flashbacks now and haven’t had a full flashback in ages, almost 2 years maybe. Reminding myself I am safe and the anxiety will pass. I will play with my rats or do fun things until I calm down.

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