How to assert yourself as an adult with your mum when you are 45 years old

DX'd - Sz/SzA
#1

I want to grow up.
I have a revival of my belief system through practicing yoga
My mum has always seen the unhealthy side of my drained energy at times, manic practice when in hospital long term and bizarre to her beliefs, also an obsessiveness (and negative competitive element and my making comparisons with myself to others, and my strong self nonacceptance …

She has scared me off returning to my practice Many times.
On another note she crosses boundaries and still talks to me like I’m very dependant and in need of cajoling and special treatment
These are things I believe in a fairly unaware way that I ask for this treatment by my behaviour

Any tips.

I am returning to yoga… how do I not scare the sh yet out of her.

#2

Yoga is good. 666999

1 Like
#3

I know

My mum has also put huge pressure in my husband of ten years he is as terrified as her about me practicing yoga

I have started going to classes in secret

#4

Which is, I think okay
It just raised questions for me about adulthood… not being spoken to like I’m on the tipping point of psychosis at all times

#5

Moved to a new area recently
Feel that 2 nights at hers a week is a give and take thing but I need a different approach to my speech, listening skills

I’ve been feigning ignorance of change or pretending to be stuck

#6

I would not talk to her and when asked things I would keep my answers short and to the point, said calmly with firmness, then return/proceed with what I was doing. Either that, or just sit down and talk about it and be as honest as you can be. Tell her you want to be more independent and mature and need her to help you with that by not treating you like a child. Communication of course only works with logical people, and I’m not really the one to say wether your mother is logical or not enough to talk openly to.

1 Like
#7

Thank you so much For replying
My mum is very logical empathic but driven to unreason with almost 30 years caring for children at those years consistently with long term psychosis

She is extremely reactionary about yoga
Panic reflex
She needs me to stay well while she is 74 and caring for my sister for several years on her own

In a way I provide a glimpse of normalcy

I am a bit afraid myself to stay away from certain practices which could affect my stability

But this is who I am even though I’ve had a few years break

#8

I think your answer is gold. Thank you

I told someone for the first time yesterday and she said doing it gives me space to do something for myself

#9

I have lived with my mum as an adult with independence issues (schizophrenia basically)

I have not been keeping my own council. I have told her everything in the past, And I tend to be honest with my mum.
We have discussions in the past which ended up agreeing that some things in my life would be too heavy for her to carry as we change towards old age and middle age

I wonder if we can change…

#10

my mum was the person that affected me hugely for my schizophrenia. sometimes, it doesn’t mean she is your mum/best friend = good advice. everyone is a human mate. I am 34 this year and still forced to live with my parents.

1 Like
#11

Thanks for replying
It has always seemed right to listen to her since we had a year of family therapy
We’re very close but my mum has seen me drained all day after early classes, obsessed to the point of ridiculousness about my teacher, injure cos of overdoing

#12

And total preoccupation in hospital,obsessed and ego driven and competitive

Up to a point

I feel like I’ve landed with my feet after a 6 year break

For mum she would panic

#13

You will never, man or woman, cat or dog, black or mexican, be an adult in the eyes of your mother.

2 Likes
#14

Yeah that is totally true
Let her treat me like a kid x sudden BACK OFF noises would be over reactive of me

Thanks

#15

This topic was automatically closed 95 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.