How should i treat reluctant people?

I have been making efforts in my life the past several months to reach out to people I want in my life and that have history with me or memories with me… However recently my efforts have been futile. For example i use to hangout with a friend who ended up moving south and the other day I sent him a gift as a token of our friendship and after he got my gift in the mail he hasn’t mentioned anything about returning the favor… Altho before he got the gift he mentioned that he was thinking of a few things I might be interested in…
About 30 min ago I got a call back from my mom who didn’t have much to say about anything. I asked her a few things and she didn’t open up about anything in detail just was blunt and direct while minimalizing like how everyone else has been treating me. There’s some more people I can think of that are also reluctant and don’t open up but I think a couple examples is ok for now.
**Should I cut off these people from my life or just continue to put time and energy in them that is not reciprocating the care that I put into them?


Social relationships can be confusing sometimes. I don’t know your relationships, but in my relationships, it is helpful for me to remember to give people space sometimes. I tend to get a bit overwhelming at times, but some people need space and alone time. I try to send a message, and then wait for the person to respond to me before sending anything else.

Also, nobody is obligated to buy a gift for you, especially if they did not ask you to buy one for them. Sending someone a gift is a nice gesture. Asking for a gift in return is unfair and puts pressure on them.


thanks ninjastar. you are right. i had been up for about 24 hours and couldnt sleep but now that i am rested i feel that i was being unreasonable in a way that is probably not true as far as what i was thinking

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I think part of the situation is you have certain expectations about people that may be too much. People aren’t going to do everything YOU want them too. People are going to do what THEY want to do. The relationships you want seem to be one-sided; they may just not be interested in you.

Just because we like someone and want to be friends with them doesn’t necessarily mean they will like us back and want to be our friends. But on the positive side, it’s good that you are reaching out and seeking relationships. Keep trying and maybe you will eventually find someone that reciprocates.


I’d say to cut them out of your life. They are toxic people. AA people say that you can’t change others or make others do what you want them to do, you can only change yourself.

I wouldn’t cut them out just yet or anytime in the near future unless they really do something to deter your friendship. People deal with a lot. Sometimes we just can’t give back the time or energy others do for whatever reason. I’m sure things will turn around in your relationships. The only thing I’d really suggest is to not put as much time and energy in to those that aren’t seeming to give back enough if it is really distressing you

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