How should I channel my inner monster

I am a 15 year old monster and I don’t know how long I can go about faking my life. Ever since I was a kid I knew I was different so I started to fake my life to blend in. I knew what I would become, or at least had an idea. I did it so no one would think it was me if and when I killed someone. That was in the second grade, I’m now fifteen years old and receiving help from a therapist. But how long can I refrain from what I HAVE to do? It is hard, and I need to kill, but if know its wrong!

i responded on your other post…just so you know.
i don’t believe in god or the devil, but there are hells’ and heavens’, trust me you don’t want to go down there.
i have spent the last two days in the lowest pit, filled with the damned…it is unpleasant.
i see hell below my feet, have demons screaming in my face, get told to kill, do this do that…etc
get taken to other worlds, see bugs on the walls,have dark figures just hanging around…etc.
killing is wrong and you and i don’t have the right to delete life for any reason , just because a voice told you, that is rubbish.
go for a walk in nature and start seeing the beauty .
take care

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It isn’t a voice at this point it’s the fact I want to, it’s me telling myself I need to kill. But then it’s me again telling myself it’s wrong and immoral.

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You don’t need to kill, and the fact that you’re posting about it proves that you don’t really want to do it. About channeling your inner monster, have you thought about artwork? or writing? or sports? Sometimes you just need a creative outlet for your anger, or a way to see things differently. Also, meds can help. Are you seeing a psychiatrist, or taking any meds?


Just by saying that, you are showing you have it in you to beat “the monster”

@ Carolyn, I just mentioned artwork and writing about it in the other topic about this. You mention sports too…what I did when I was younger was work out with weights and jog a lot. Sometimes just our sitting around can make our minds wander into not so good thoughts, but vigorous activity that is also healthy for us releases a lot of pent up energy.