I am curious to know how people think in their mind when they are conscious (not sleeping). My assumption is in normal people as soon as they wake up from sleep their working memory and short term memory get filled with goals to do during the day, daily activities etc. When they engage in an activity coming up goals and other thoughts also in their mind so they not get distracted by current activity alone and they can quickly finish current and move to next. This was my usual thinking pattern before I started to notice negative symptoms.
When negative symptoms start my thinking pattern is like this. Wake from sleep with no goals for the day, but few there like get out from sleep, go to toilet, have food etc but these goals not feel so compelling and again go to bed and some how get out due to hunger or some other things. But check mobile and do some thing and during this time mind is blank of any other thoughts so goals delayed and no awareness of time passing. At a time only the activity in hand is on the mind so can waste time needlessly on it.
If think of some other then other thoughts vanished from mind. So in order for me to do some thing I need to plan the steps and then do each step and at that time no awareness of next steps to do. Need to recollect the plan after doing each step and then follow like this. Previously I not need to recollect as coming up steps and other thoughts still on mind when doing each step.
Anyone else like this? Please share how your mind thinks and if possible ask normal people you know to know how they thinks during day time.
I think you are right @pr21. Before my illness got really bad, I had goals on my mind all of the time. Like get up, shower, brush teeth and hair, dress, eat cereal, drink coffee, go to work, do job, pick up son from sitter, go home, make dinner, go to bed, etc…etc…
Now, when I wake up, I have different goals in mind. My mind is like: get out of bed, pick up phone and book, put on glasses, take meds, make cereal and drink coffee, sit at desk, chat on chat forum, pray, eat lunch, wash face and brush teeth, rest off migraine and meditate, read book, chat on chat forum, eat dinner, read book, practice piano, pray again, do yoga, take meds, go to bed, read some more, study Spanish on language app in bed, go to sleep.
It is hard for me to think of how my brain was before I was stricken by lack of motivation…to me it feels like I thought about everything much less. I’d get a thought to do something and I’d do it.
Then came all the mess…and now it’s like I think of something and almost inevitably I don’t want to do it and thinking of doing it exhausts me and stresses me out. Everything is a big deal that requires tremendous effort on my part.
I am similar to what you described if I want to do something I have to really NOT think about all the steps involved because I get overwhelmed by them (for example brushing teeth I do not just think I need to go brush my teeth I think oh God first I have to get up, then I have to walk to the bathroom, then I have to brush my teeth, then I have to floss, then I have to come back to the room, and suddenly this very simple task is a ton of tasks and it is too much to deal with even though none of those tasks should actually be difficult in theory).
All of this is what I’ve been struggling the most with in my life lately. I cant seem to find a med that helps.
I have the exact same problems. For instance it is now 230 pm and I have yet to wash my face, or brush my hair or teeth.
Same. Currently I’m stressing over having to get dressed. This sucks
A lot of times it is easier to just wait until my boyfriend gets home because he will tell me to do things and somehow if I have someone telling me to do them, making me do them, they are easier? Or if I have someone do the thing with me it gives me the motivation to? Idk.
I haven’t dressed yet either. I am still in my pajamas.
My thinking is fast paced, focused, and I struggle to keep up with it sometimes and it can lead to me over thinking small things that makes me paranoid, worried, angry or anxious.
It’s very draining to keep it up and this sort of thing tends to peak during the day, and I get some peace in the evening if I have done stuff all day like work etc that has made me tired enough for this to subside.
If I am focused on a task this really works well to distract me.
Quick to judge also as my mind never has that extra capacity to sit on unresolved issues. I like clarity and certainty. Things left over weekends sends my anxiety through the roof.
I hate weekends as there is little support as mental health here is 9 to 5, or 7 to 7 in a crisis
I refuse to be dependent upon a man for anything.
Oh I know I can do things without him. I was self sufficient for years. I just take advantage of the fact that he makes things easier. It doesn’t have to be a man it could be anyone. I think it is important to have support in one’s life if you have mental illness. But I agree it is also very important to know how to get by by yourself too because other people can’t always be there.
Oh thought I would add, the only thing that seems to help with these “thought traps” I get sucked into of everything being broken down into 1000 tiny steps I get overwhelmed by is by forcing myself to do it every day until it becomes routine. It is SO hard to do and I am usually not successful but after about 1-2 weeks of doing whatever it is EVERY DAY it becomes habit and my anxiety around it and thought about it becomes significantly less. So interestingly routine seems to streamline things.
Unfortunately typically as any stressor in my life pops up I tend to abandon routine, stop doing all the things I worked so hard to make a part of it, and then I have to start over from stage 1 all over again.
I make use of daily schedules or habits to make the rhythm going. Nothing comes automatically like getting up from bed at morning and going to bed at sleep time. Need to force myself to do every needed thing. If not force then I keep sit, stand or lie for as long as it goes. If follow the habit daily then its easy to go along with it otherwise it requires tremendous effort and energy to do these even simple things like brushing teeth. I think the reason for all these is because of lack of thoughts in mind. Thoughts remind people to do things even when they do other activities. While when negative symptoms come these thoughts which previously remained when doing activities reduced and even absent.
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