I had extreme stress and loneliness for a period of three years. I lived alone and I was like a bird out of it’s nest.
I moved to another country at the age of 17 and lived alone.
In work, I worked with tough reckless people. I didn’t have the social skills to manage the arguments and competitiveness in work. I didn’t even have a car at that time. But I made a lot of money so some days I had fun, went out to eat and stuff.
My parents didn’t even help me in managing my skills and I never said anything to anyone.
Then I started having some grandiose symptoms, at my age 19-20-21 and some anger problems. I am not sure if I was mentally ill at that time but I did some crazy stuff and bursts. nothing violent though.
I adopted a cat and he helped me with my loneliness a little bit. I was very affectionate and had fun and took pictures and stuff.
Then my paperwork came to come to Canada and I went to vacation to my home town.
During this time, there were some family issues between my sister and some close people I knew. My sister hurt me too and set me up and I didn’t have the right mindset to figure things out. So I was left in the middle between some of my loved ones and my sister. These people, who I knew them for a long time too, didn’t really care about me so we had some arguments and they did some horrible stuff to me on Facebook and in real life. I was mocked, insulted, humiliated, bullied and trashed by at least 12 people and in the whole community. I was not aware what was going on exactly so I didn’t know how to defend myself. I was all alone and didn’t have anybody to be my side. As if I did some sort of murder or something. So I started having some symptoms of schizophrenia and paranoia… Mainly paranoia… I lost a bunch of weight. I was sleeping all day long and smoking, I didn’t even eat. I also had poor hygiene. Then at one time I turned on the TV and thought it was about me.
This is the funny part, when it started getting religious. I don’'t know how I opened up the bible, maybe to seek help or something, I wasn’t religious at all, I even listened to pagan music at that time and enjoyed it. I always liked pagan culture. Anyway, some of the references in the bible, matched with my life and pictures and names. Especially in the book of revelations. My nickname which everybody called me since I was little is a nickname given to jesus. so somehow I thought it’s about me or something so I started having more grandoise and paranoia. I had a friend of a friend who I met in Canada, and I thought he was in love with me, so i was supposed to marry him. I didn’t even like him. But I have huge magnifications in my mind as he is completely in love with me and is desperate etc. My partner at that time was my boyfriend and he had no clue what was going on. He had no experience so I don’t blame him but he didn’t know how to help me at all. I experienced emotional trauma… Then one day, my friends called at ambulance and took to me to the hospital… I met some psychiatrists and the whole event was crazy. I don’t even remember what I said or did. I was round 100 pounds I guess. They gave me respiridone, which I didn’t even take. Then when I went home, I booked a ticket to my hometown and few away. In the airport everybody thought I was high. I was alone and laughing out loud and doing crazy things.
In the airplane, which was 11 hours direct flight, there was a muslim woman who was wearing an abaya and she prayed during the whole flight. It helped me a little I guess.
When I reached my hometown, I slept for 3 days, some of my family members thought I was possessed by demons or something. Then my sister helped me to take me to a doctor and they prescribed me Ability. For two months, I thought I was being closely watched by people and cameras. I searched for cameras everywhere. Then one day, I asked my sister if they had a camera in the apartment, and she said no. So that was my turning point. I found a job but was still slightly psychotic at that time. Nobody realized it though. Usually people around me don’t realize I am sick. Or the severity of it.
In five months, I booked my ticket and came back to Canada.