How long should your parents be your parents?

thoughts? they often tell me, they are getting to the age where i should be doing things for them, instead of them doing things for me.

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Parent is for life. But of course elderly people need assistance. You can’t blame them for expecting some help in return for everything they gave you.


I’m soon to be 50 and live with my dad. It very much is me helping out and looking out for him. I help with bills, cooking etc. I owe my parents a lot from a long time ago so for me it’s just the right thing to do.


I don’t know how old you are, but I had to move in with my parents during/after my divorce, when I was 29. I lived there for 18 years to raise my son.
My mom passed away while I was there. She never stopped being my mom. But I cleaned the whole house and did other things to help her. My dad got dementia, but before that he was still very much my dad, giving me advice…
I think as we get older the relationship becomes more balanced and our parents are still our parents but we can do a lot for them. If they get to a point, like my dad, where they can not say or do anything for us anymore, then we just do things for them. If my dad had stayed sharp, I would do things for him but still ask his advice sometimes and still have some holidays at his house. He would be parental always.
I have an adult son who is staying with us right now. I would do anything I could to help him. I will always be his mom. But because he’s an adult, he takes care of himself too. It just balances.


im 35. mom will be turning 65 this summer and dad is 67. they are both still independent. i help dad out with things around the house, sometimes mowing his yard, and weed eating. although he still likes to mow it himself. and he is putting in a bathroom upstairs in his new house that i volunteered to be the labor if he was the brains.

im planning on moving but have guilt about it. i’ve tried to talk mom and dad into moving with me and selling their place, but they are stuck to a place i don’t like. i still have an older sister who lives by who can help take care of them when they need it, but me being the youngest and single without kids, it should probably be my responsibility. maybe they will agree to move with me in 7 years. they don’t seem to accept that they will get older and not be able to go up steps easily, or drive around. i talk to them about it but they shut me out.

i can probably do more for them, like do their grocery shopping and other things. they still sometimes drive me to doctor’s appointments. mom always says “ask not what your mother can do for you, ask what you can do for your mother” haha.


For life. My parents saved my life many times.


My father and mother will always be my father and mother, and nothing will change that. Now, as they get older and need more care, I will be there for them as they are for me. That’s family; to be there for each other.

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I like your mom’s line, that’s cute. It sounds like you’re close and it seems to me you will all work it out just fine.
Stop reminding them that they’re getting older, they know. They’ll work it out as it comes, and your being there for them is so great!
Stay close to them, take opportunities to help them as you can, and take help when you need it. Like I said, I will always be there for my son as much as I can. I would never resent his asking for help, ever. And as he does simple things for me, like cook dinner, it makes me proud and happy.

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My parents are not in my face which I appreciate.

We don’t talk that often.

I love them and pray they will live till over 90.
I’m thankful they are alive.

It’s mainly the woman who was my stepmom who helps me such as I live in her apartment because I can’t afford rent normally, she gave me a car as I couldn’t afford one, she directed me how to drive independently and helped me with paperwork and she takes me out for breakfast sometimes and comes for dinner sometimes.

My parents would not do all that.

I adore my parents but we can fight easily so I could never live with them.

I pray this woman and my parents will live to over 90 years.

Maybe I can help them some way maybe I can’t.

My boyfriend calls his sons twice a day and I think that’s to much.they are twenty two and nineteen.
I have never seen anything like it but don’t comment.
If they like it good for them.

Sometimes my mum doesn’t answer my emails and it can take two weeks for a reply .
Don’t always like that but still appreciate she isn’t in my face all the time.

I’m 42 and she yelled at me Christmas Day for wearing to much makeup.
May I stand up to her and have different taste to her.

Guess it’s individual what one wants.

I am very dependent on my former stepmom.

If she kicked me out I might have to move to south Australia again where rent is cheaper because I don’t want to share house as I can’t stand hearing people have sex etc n I need my space.

I would have to get a care worker to help me with beauracracy and I would struggle and need the government to help me more.


I began doing things for my grandmother as soon as I was on my own. She still helped me out time to time, but I went over and helped cook and clean.

My mother and I had a strange, strained relationship due to her leaving me with my great grandparents as a baby. I still helped her out when she got too sick to take care of herself.

I think people over 21 should help their parents, as long as they are physically capable and the parents weren’t abusive.

For abusive parents, eff’em.


I moved into my own apartment last year but I still visit my parents a lot. I’m close with my mom. My mom’s 62 my dad is 70 I’m 26. I help out by doing things like changing the furnace filters, whole house water filter, mowing the lawn and doing the edgiing, in the winter I shovel the driveway. When my dad’s car breaks down I let him borrow my car so he can get to work. I hope he retires soon. I help my parents because they helped me so much during my adult life.

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My dad is already 71.
And he has a 21 year old son.
I wish both my parents a healthy elderly life. I think it would kind of break me to see them suffering from chronic disability. But at least they are strong. I hope if they do become dependant on me in some way it is not any time soon.

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I’m down to very little parenting these days. My wife and I are still somewhat financially supporting our daughter as she works her way through university, but it’s up to her to make most of her own decisions now. I’m thinking she’ll be on her own in about three more years. I’m hoping she won’t have to do much for us when we’re older.

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i kinda feel overwhelmed with the thought of taking care of them. i hate to drive and their new house is a lot of work. dad is already complaining about having less energy to think things through. it took him awhile to plan the new bathroom. i just feel like it would be easier to move to a 2 bedroom condo together somewhere. of course if that were the case i wouldn’t move to a frigid cold area like vermont as im considering.

maybe it’s best i stick around for them. but i really want to move. im mad at my older brother for never being around and also my sister who moved to colorado to start a new life. it’s just me and my older sister. my older sister has 3 kids herself. mom doesn’t want to live with me though, although dad is open to it. mom says she would go live in my older sisters basement if it came to it.

when i was growing up both of my grandmothers lived with us at the end of their life for awhile. mom’s mom passed away in our house bed ridden and my mom took care of her everyday along with nurses who would come by the house.

I live with my elderly Dad and I swear sometimes he acts like a little kid.

I give him quite a lot of money every month and help him out here and there.

After all he’s done so much for me over the years.


My parents always said old ppl become like kids, they need attention, help, care, etc They told me that I will take care of them like they did when I was a kid.


Yeah, like someone said, they’ll always be your parents. My family supported me from the beginning of my illness and still do. And for many years I got to do stuff to help them. I did yardwork at all my family’s houses.

I also housesat, drove them to the airport and picked them up many times when they traveled. I used to feed their pets and water their plants when they were away on trips. I helped my sisters move into new places multiple times until my back got bad. And it made me feel so good to be able to do all that for them.

I don’t get asked much anymore. I made a huge mistake when my sister was going on a trip and she almost missed her plane because of me and that was the end of them asking me to drive them to the airport. That mistake was avoidable but I understand why they don’t ask me anymore. And I stopped doing yardwork for anyone years ago, I had done it my whole life but I just got tired of it. I have that right.

Yeah, if you are capable of it, your parents are right, it would be nice to do things for them. It might take a little effort but everything worthwhile takes effort.

Now, about all I do for them is occasionally water their plants and feed the animals and walk the dog when they go on trips. Now both my parents are gone and I just have my sisters. Now the best thing I can do for them is be responsible and keep taking care of myself and not do anything stupid. But yeah, a person can only do what they are capable of. I was just fortunate enough to be in the position of being able to help for many years. And I was happy to do it.


My dad is a whizz at stuff with grease but he needs my brains for the thinking stuff. I live with my dad and because he is near deaf I am frequently his ears. I’m 36 and he is 60. He doesn’t really need me here but he did ask me to move in to ease the workload with wood and yardwork and help him with bills and stuff.

I had my fun living on my own but this deal works out for both of us. Not saying I will never move out but atm no reason to.



Your stepmom sounds like a really nice person!
In regards to the driving thing, etc., my mom never drove so she couldn’t help me, but my dad didn’t even consider helping me. It was my then future, now ex, mother-in-law and my then future, now ex, husband who taught me how to drive and brought me to go get my license.
Looking back, I see that my mental struggles didn’t come out of nowhere. Mostly my mom, but really both of my parents had “issues” that prevented them from being better parents. So, can I blame them?
Being a mom myself, and knowing how conscious I had and have to be, I know it’s hard.
Anyway, we all have to do what’s right for us and what works… It doesn’t sound like your parents expect anything from you, so whatever you feel you want to do and can do is extra.


talked to mom this morning. said it was not that she didn’t want to live with me exactly, that it was more she doesn’t want to live with any of her kids unless it’s necessary. i actually enjoy her company and wouldn’t mind living with her. mostly she is addicted to her devices like a teenager, often times i talk to her while she is only half listening and doesn’t always respond to me when distracted.