It is hard to recover, it challenges you, makes you cry, makes you question if you are meant to be here and if you are going to make it. Ask for help people, ask for help from doctors, family, friends, and God.
I was at about -5000 (Doing horrible), back in 2013. Now nearing the end of 2018, I have been more than a year substance abuse free/clean, I drink some alcohol on the weekends but it’s just for fun and not as self-medication. I also gave up looking at “Promiscuous material” and hopefully I can say the word porn on this forum; it destroys relationships and the way your brain works. Point is, after thoroughly cleansing my body, mind, and soul, I feel 10,000x better than I have ever felt before, period. It takes time to do it, but here’s what I recommend:
Write daily in a journal; anything you want
Talk to a family member or friend daily
Do not use cannabis
Do not use cocaine
Do not watch sexually explicit material and try to stay away from it online as much as you can
Get closer to your families; they are the only family you have
Try to forgive and forget grudges you have with people in the past (Forget, but never forget what it taught you)
Ask for help. I need help still. We all do. The moment you say “I don’t need help anymore” - that is a bad moment.
Your lives are your own and what you do with them is up to you all. I suffered for half a decade going through what I call purgatory and I made it out alive. Focus on life, REFLECT on it, pros, neutral, and cons, write things down. You will get better. I know so. Because I got better.
Hope this helps, have a great week!