How I been

I keep hearing voices saying I am evil, a sexual deivant and that I am a psychopath. I hear I hate you and other things and I precieve it to be dead relatives. I tried to get off my medicine to join the Marines and things are getting worse and worse. I’ve been back on abilify but I am not feeling any better. I might have bipolar and schitzophrenia with ocd to top it all off. I am getting really sick of my life and I really want to live but I also want to die really bad. I just don’t want to hear anymore and I have become extremely apathetic. I am most likely pissing off not only myself but also dead relatives. It’s a never ending hell I can’t escape from. I think I have to go back to the hospital.

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How long have you been back on meds? What dose of abilify are you on ?

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15 or 20 mg. …

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So you haven’t been through any military training yet? You are lucky. I quit my meds a couple weeks before I joined the Navy in 2008. It might have messed me up. You are supposed to be off meds for 6 months prior to joining for the people with a waiver. Maybe there is something to that.

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I would join the war if there was a world war 3 or something, but they won’t let schizophrenics join or autistic people join, probably. I bet there are civilian jobs I could do though. I sometimes live in a fantasy world.

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My world gets darker every day.

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I hope it gets better.

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I just have a job now. I don’t want this ■■■■■■■■ to affect my money.

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