How have you shaped your delusion/s to fit your own needs?

This is one of the aspects of my symptomatology which I find most disturbing. As my unusual beliefs grew in strength and complexity I could observe myself thinking along the lines of a sculpturer chiselling his work. To some extent I “chose” quite consciously to make my delusion as unfalsifiable -in the popperian sense- as possible. I decided not to rely on conspiracy theories of any kind as I found it impossible, even in my worst moments, to take them seriously. Instead, I decided to couch these beliefs in metaphysical terms appealing to classical philosophical problems whose solutions remains to this day conceptually undecidable. Of course, this is true to some extent for all delusions, especially in the internal consistency department.

Do you feel that you are in some way responsible for your delusions, their contents and scope?

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Although the real question I would like to ask is whether in view of the above am I faking it.

I don’t think you’re faking it.

Personally for me, I have had delusions that come and go as part of the self-discovery part. Did I ever say anything that was factually false? Sure, why not. I don’t remember every thing I’ve said over the years. I said I went to Mars, but realized now it wasn’t real combined with the fact we live in some ET test-tube, petri-dish thing and I’ve only been abducted 10 times or so since I first woke up in my first life a long time ago (my first life).

It’s sometimes hard to grasp what you are saying for the average person. Could be writing style or vocabulary. I think you should get a degree in philosophy or something since you enjoy it and are good at it.

You come off honest in this thread.

Sometimes what works for 1 person, doesn’t work for another, and vice versa. Conspiracy theories work for me. Some people gravitate towards them. I don’t really like the term ‘conspiracy theorist’ or ‘conspiracy theory’ because it’s a derogatory term as I have discovered some time back. People say it was invented by the government to discredit credible researchers.

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I hope to be off meds some day. Could take years or a life time. Some type of government psy-op victim here. I just want to recover and move on. Get better and med free. I want a degree and to be successful. Whatever. Maybe it’s not meant to be?

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I think it is a very credible aim.

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When I first hallucinated the experience was unmistakenly a voice I heard. Within days I realized I was not hearing anyone as one usually does, so the explanation became telepathy - also quite more difficult to disprove. In this sense I shaped it. I think something analogous may fit your case, where the psychological solipsism is accounted for by metaphysical solipsism of your own making. While you may have been the agent of the latter but not so much of the former, the question of faking it - or rather, making it - may have become pressing.

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I fully agree, but I continue to mistrust my own honesty. Have I talked myself into madness (a slightly mad proposition in the first place)?

I don’t think so, for the psychological counterpart isn’t reasoned to in the first place.

Yeah they fit everyday life lol, but it’s easier to deal with

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I think this is a very powerful and useful notion, to admit that the person shapes their own delusions. Understanding this exactly, and finding the precise reason for why my delusions are this way or another, is how I gained a bit of clarity. Yes, absolutely, all of my delusions were introduced with extensive justifications that conveniently enough were either difficult or impossible to prove or disprove.

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I posted in a different forum but I feel you all may or could believe me because I’m struggling every second of the day. Every day seems like a nightmare and also having nightmares every night dosemt help.

So my latest struggle is that from my window I can see out to a home across the street. Well, in their home through their window I can see a television and see my household on their television. Meaning they are watching from cameras installed in my home _covertly) and watching it while I can clearly see it’s my household. It possess me off to an extent because it’s very intrusive. And another thing the cameras are night vision so there is no way out of this. It really bothers me that I personally don’t have any privacy at all. My thoughts my life everything about me is not mine. That’s why I value freedom so much because I barely have any.

Also about a delusion being snapped by a person…i believe the delusion shapes a person and the person finds a pattern. I find my delusions true, but, there are times on certain ones I’m just not sure or get confused. I think my voices want me to be confused at times. But it’s okay because I love them too much to let anything get in the way. It’s like you know they are there for the rest of time here, some, and I have to appreciate them listening to my constant talking and rage as well.

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