How has your illness changed over time

Or has it not changed at all? When I was a kid all the way through my teens I struggled with paranoia nearly every single night that made bedtime really difficult. I was also always sucked into one delusion or another. My hallucinations were very vivid and intense and I had auditory and visual as a little kid but then as an older kid I only had occasional auditory and once I became a teen I got trippy visuals, no auditory, and tactile.

Now that I’m an adult I almost never get paranoia unless I’m not getting proper sleep. I have insight so while I still get delusional thoughts so long as I’m doing well I don’t get too sucked into them. My hallucinations are pretty much the same as they were when I was a teen, except like I get a wider variety of visuals now. I haven’t had a full episode in about 4 years now. I’ve had some flare ups though like recently was pretty bad.

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My illness has become more ingrained in mw. I believe alot of my delusions have slowly turned into beliefs that cannot be broken.

The longer time goes on for the worse it becomes.

i wish i could shake my head at my beliefs but i just cant…


Same my first ever delusion lasted from age 5-13 and even though I say I don’t believe it anymore and just work on it as like a recreational fantasy world thing now, there is still a part of me attached to it that believes that potentially in a past life in an alternate plane or something that was me. Ah well. Hard to break ties with delusions even when you’ve moved on to a new one.

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I identify with this. My beliefs are instinctive habits now.


Although I don’t see it. My pdoc says that I am starting to mellow out on my symptoms. I don’t know I just picked up a new voice in the recent weeks. I know I need a med change.

Make sure to communicate that w your doctor. Sometimes we have to be advocates for ourselves. I’ve actually heard this a surprising number of times where someone may be really struggling but their doctor insists they’re doing much better. Actually a famous example of this is the short story the yellow wallpaper, based on the author’s real life experience, if you want to give that a read.

Doctors want to feel like their treatment is working.

Were you medicated as child?

No I was not, however I’ve not ever really been properly medicated for my psychosis. I hadn’t tried APs at all until I was like 20 and then I would constantly quit them because of the side effects or bc they just didn’t work. (Most haven’t worked) The longest period of time I was ever on one was only like 4 months. Most I don’t even make it that long on.

Currently I’m not on one at all though vraylar is next up for me to try.

just wanted to ask if you’re taking any :slightly_smiling_face:

When I was in my 20’s and 30’s, my illness looked more like bipolar. I was extremely depressed and suicidal, had trouble sleeping, was sex crazy, and spent as much as I made, never saving a dime. I was in and out of the hospital every two weeks and always for suicidal ideation and gestures. Yes I was paranoid with thought reception but the docs were more concerned about my suicidality. In my late 30’s, 40’s and 50’s, I started hearing audible hallucinations of mumbling voices, eerie music hallucinations, seeing shadow men hallucinations, and olfactory, tactile, and gustatory hallucinations. In my mid 40’s, I started receiving messages from a spiritual entity on a regular, daily basis. These were usually always helpful and welcome. And all my mood symptoms went away. In my mid 30’s, I started to develop some negative symptoms that only got worse as I aged.

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