I’m the same way you are. Over the years I have grown to like my solitude. It gets better with time.
We are sick. Life is hard and not nice. Life is not like a television commercial. Life is less fun to live in than a fantasy life. We need to find a balance. Life is very hard and unfair. We need to plug into a perfect fantasy life with no real consequences sometimes to stay strong psychologically.
We need tools (real or imagined) to face life with. Life may be hard and harsh. It is not always sentimental or nice, it is a series of events and nonevents. It does not care if it hurts us badly. But we need to keep on going, even if there doesn’t seem to be a reason to do so…
Keep showing up and filling out the paperwork. Put your hands in your pockets, stand up straight and speak clearly. Face a reality which is cold and merciless with what few weapons you can maintain: the desire to survive, psychological strength and stability, self esteem etc. If you fall down get up and keep walking forward even if you have to limp.
Rather than trying to be an eagle, try to be a cockroach <
Cockroaches survive and lead glorious hidden lives, regardless of how badly they are maligned by a few very hateful and ridiculous individuals.
I can now say that I have no friends. One recently died and the other has officially abandoned me. But, I have one sister who still lives in my hometown and one grown niece who lives in another state and calls me up every week. My sister is a workaholic and has zero time for me. My niece has no money with which to come visit me. So that’s how it stands. Luckily for me, I love solitude and am jealous of my alone time.
My brother is also very busy and he no longer calls me up every day.
He barely has any time for me anymore.