How do you respect your father when he's a sociopath?

I know part of my illness is due to how I was raised. My dad was a raging Bipolar that used to threaten to kill us when he was down and out, and let us go homeless when we were kids. We didn’t go to school and we didn’t have friends growing up and we rarely got together with family. The abuse would alternate between violent and just emotional. He’s so manipulative that he tricks me into thinking he’s a changed man when he needs us for support, but now that times are tough for us he is putting my mother out of work when we are struggling to pay rent and eat. I have only her to rely on because of my SZ, which he told me I need to just ‘snap out of’, otherwise I’d be on the streets. What am I supposed to feel? What can I do to make up for my loss of respect for my dad?

How old are you, @dazedandconfused? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but it might help me answer your question better.

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well, there are times when I don’t like my mom. but then, I remember that she gave me birth and raised me. that helps a little.

There’s the kind of respect you give someone because of the position they hold. And there’s the kind of respect you give someone that earns it. Don’t be hard on yourself because your father isn’t in the condition to ,or doesn’t have what it takes to earn your respect. He does however hold the position, that puts you in a hard spot and I feel for you. Do your best ,I’m sure you love your dad and he loves you,remember you haven’t walked in his shoes,he may have had trauma in his life that makes him react the way he does. I don’t know all the circumstances so use your best judgement. Some people are just difficult.

If you are underage, I don’t feel that is a suitable home for you. Even if you’re an adult, I still feel that is a damaging environment. I’m sorry you have to go through this, it sounds awful.
Maybe excepting that your father is different. That is how his mind works, and he doesn’t feel and experience things or react the same way most people do. In the meantime, I suggest doing what you feel is best for you, whether that be staying or leaving. You should probably speak to a professional about that (in my opinion).
My father was abusive, too. He used to beat up my mother and my older siblings. He would also mentally and verbally abuse my mother. When I was young, he used to sit me on his lap and try to convince me my mother had demons and we had to pray for her.
Even as an adult, I cannot understand his behavior. I never heard of him being diagnosed with anything, and he seems to be a regularly thinking, highly inteligent person. I have simply accepted it, and am glad he is no longer in my life. Acceptance is a good place to start, then moving onto what is best for your own health and safety.
I have 7 sibling, and lots of extended family. Each person seems to have their own issues. Obsessiveness, Bipolar Disorder, Anorexia, Bullimia, Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, addictions, compulsions, extreme behaviours, violence, and more. So as you can see, I have had to accept a lot of things about people. I have tried so many times to change things, but realize now how futile it is. I wear myself out if I try. I just have to focus on me, and not let them hurt me. My mom always says, “The only person you can control is yourself”.
Sorry, this was a long post, but I really wanted to help and I thought maybe a bit of a back story would show you on what level I truly understand you.
Hope this helps, you can message me if you need to.

I recommend detachment. Try not to take things personally. I know it’s hard, but that might be the best way to hang on to whatever serenity you have.

Haven’t read the other replies, so sorry if I am repeating what someone else has said.
Respecting ones parents does not have to be the same thing as liking them, or even loving them. It does not mean you have to talk to them.
Sometimes it just means letting them be them, and ignoring what they think of you.
I barely talk to or see my parents. I love them, I respect them, but I do NOT like them. All they do is make me feel worse about myself.
I feel much happier with them in the distance.
I’m not sure if he lives with you or not, but I would say the best way to respect him is to not let him get to you and realize he is not going to change. Unless he is actually physically abusive, which is completely different. I know it is easier said than done, but accepting ones parents for who they are (but never forgetting), is usually best for both parties.

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My father was diagnosed with narcissitic person
Ity disorder I cannnot tell you the FEAR I still feel now .
I have gone through councelling and it has helped me realise
He made my life awful for many years HE CANT DONTHAT ANYMOREAND
I won’t let him. Good book toxic parents buy it on amazon.

Comes down to how old you are I think. I would like to get a social worker to look on both of you. No idea where you are which is an issue. Here I could get you one. The phone counseling lines do have the resources to get you one in your local area though. Hope that helps.

It’s tough to be a parent and mistakes are made, BUT abuse is not in the category of mistakes…abuse is abuse. I have zero respect for anyone who abuses their kid(s).
I did my best with my son. I made mistakes and I wasn’t as capable as some other moms, but I would have died rather than hurt him in any way.
And he owes me nothing. He didn’t ask to be born. I brought him into this world so it’s I who owe him everything.
I wish things had been different for you. And I hope you’ll do everything to protect and take care of yourself. You deserve happiness :heart:

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