I’ve been loving the ride, but I want to get off now.
I called my doc… he will see me on Wednesday. But until then it’s been a couple of wild days.
The body is so tired, the muscles are sore, but the mind won’t stop spinning.
The connections, the realizations, the ponderings… it’s sort of amazing, and expanding… but I just need some sleep.
Today has definitely been an odd one. My mind is everywhere, except where I want it to be. It’s been a lot of work keeping my focus on much.
I can tell this is going to get out of hand soon because even soft lights feel too bright, and basic noises are feeling too loud.
I’m going to try and wind down, have some herbal tea, take a bath soon, dim the lights and just sit… hopefully if I can get my body to be still… I can get my mind to be still too. Light dinner and meds have already been taken. But it’s not slowing me down… just the sheer fact that the flesh can’t keep up is what is keeping me in the house.
Tea – no caffeine
Stillness
Warm bath for sore muscles
Low stimuli (dim lights, no loud music, no electronics)
Just a few ideas to get the wheel in the mind to slow down.
a cold ice pack on your head and eyes…
lavender oil on feet to try and ground you.
tibetan monk music…chanting stuff…to slow the heart beat.
meditation.
you have loved ones , your family and girlfriend you will be fine.
vitamin bs’ might help, they calm the mind naturally.
take care
It’s morning now… again… the body tried to rest, but the brain just kept spinning.
There are no sleeping pills or Nytequil or any of that in the house.
Have you ever felt that rush of (happiness? or euphoria?) enlightenment when something dawns on you and all of a sudden a part of your world makes perfect sense? I’ve gotten that about 10 times yesterday. I know not everything is an epiphany.
I am bursting at the seams trying not to start in on all that I have pondered and studied these past few days.
I got a little risky out of desperation and took an extra Seroquel because that usually slows the wheel in my head. This time… it slowed the body… my brain just kept running.
It was a night of twilight. I can’t really tell if I was asleep and had some of the most vivid dreams ever… or if I was awake and hallucinating… or if I was in between and wavering. I’ve woken up… rather… merely arose this morning still as tired and feeling a bit floaty.
I have only felt that rush of euphoria, where everything makes sense, when high. I think you may be headed for… something. Maybe call your doc and see if you can move up your appointment a day? Too many days of no down time is not good.
My sis called me in sick from my job last night… I was irritated with her for that. But after the night of almost spiritual visions I’ve had… it’s most likely a good thing.
I still feel amazing, but I know if I start in on some of the stuff that has excited my mind… I might worry some friends.
My sis says she feels a tiny bit like I do now when she’s high on coffee and low on sleep and it’s usually around midterms and finals for her. Take that high on coffee and low on sleep floaty connected, hopeful, euphoria and amp it all to 11.
I get the “euphoria rush” quite often actually. where i just “understand” or feel like i am “on the right track” i guess thats like epiphany
and colors look incredible and shiny objects look very shiny and cool, and feeling like nothing could bring me down. I personally enjoy it. im pretty used to it though so im good at keeping it managed and in check.
but it can be sneaky with decision making. Ive made bad financial decisions in these euphoric periods.
so if you come up with some “amazing idea” that involves a major decision, delay that decision for like 3 weeks and come back to it. that way you will have a better idea if it is a good idea or just a grandiose idea.
one of my tells that i am way far on the mania is : when someone tells me they dont agree with something i want to do , I get incredibly defensive about it and think everyone is just against me and doesnt want me to succeed or something.
or i begin misplacing everything from keys, to shoes to hats or shirts all over the house. major disorginised and im in and out of the house 5 times before i drive to where im going cuz i keep forgetting stuff
when im low my tell that i am in the low is : my attitudes are very negative and defated type thoughts. a nothing works, why bother attitude
I’m sorry you are going through this, but I can totally relate. The mind can be a very tiring thing. Especially when the body wants rest and your mind won’t stop. Throw in some psychosis with that and it becomes hard to manage. You are strong though, remember this. Remember all you’ve been through, and the J preservation team. You’re not alone. Hang in there buddy!
I’m doing really well. I haven’t been on much because I’m doing school full time and have been swamped with reading and assignments. I do come on every once and awhile though to check on everyone. Mentally I’m doing great. I feel like I finally found the right med combo. My old pdoc started to change things in the beginning of the year and now I’m completely off of the Risperdal, at half of the dose of Seroquel, and on Geodon. Physically I’ve been having a hard time. I’m doing school work all day so I’m sitting and have had back pain and I developed sciatica over the weekend. My diverticulousis has been acting up because I’m not eating right. I have to learn to balance my time. On the good side though, all of my assignments have been A’s so far.
How is school going for you?
I’m sorry you have the flu. I remember before you said being sick can amp up your symptoms. At least you know what’s wrong and it’s not a relapse. Get plenty of fluids and rest. I’ll chant for you to get back to normal as quickly as possible. Send my love to kid sis.
So far so good. My professor has been posting the notes on line and I’ve been able to keep up the study. I’ll be a bit behind on the lab work… I’ll try to do some of the extra credit later so I can keep a good grade.
Other then that… this is day three in my jammies… But they are clean jammies.
Nice to hear from you and I’m glad things are going well for you.
