I was only diagnosed a few weeks back, but I dropped out of college on medical leave over a month and a half ago. I’ve only told my boyfriend because I live with him and a friend of mine who is currently incarcerated because I thought he might understand (he didn’t😔). Not a soul besides these two people know. Not even my family or closest friends. They all live so far away they’d have to take a plane to get here so it’s easy to tell them I’m fine.
Here’s a little background. My immediate family spent the majority of our lives in this town but as my parents parted and us kids grew up we all went in different directions. My dad to one state and my mom and brothers to another state. I was the only one who decided to stay in this town. My brothers are easy to lie to because they don’t call very much. But my dad and mom call atleast once or twice a week. And they ALWAYS ask about school and I always lie. I tell them I’m doing well but struggling in so and so’s class. Or that I think I’m going to hit my goal for my GPA this semester but that it will be close so I’m studying hard. But I can’t anymore, I HATE lying to them. My dad is coming to visit next month and he’s going to be staying with me and my boyfriend. The semester will be done by then but it won’t be like talking over the phone. He will immediately know that I’m not the person he left here all those months ago. I won’t be able to show him my gpa for the semester because there won’t be one. I won’t be able to tell him how hard finals were this semester because I barely remember which classes I took. He will take one look at me and know that I’m lying. That and he will notice that I constantly have appointments to go to because of this. I hate that he will stay here but he owns the place and let’s us live here rent free so I will host him (and his girlfriend). I kind of feel like I should write him a letter and let him know instead of calling him because I won’t be able to lie once it’s in the post box. I just don’t want him blabbing to the whole family. I know he will and I just can’t have it. But I don’t want him to just show up without knowing and find out that way. Then he will definitely tell everyone.
I can’t tell my mom who would be absolutely heartbroken that I haven’t told her already. We are so incredibly close I know she’d be disappointed. I wanted to tell her so bad when I got the dx, but because of what I see and hear I know that the first thing she will do is pray. And that would make things a million times worse for me. And even just knowing that would make her more upset.
I planned on telling them when I found a medication that worked for me but it’s taking soooo long. I can’t take the lying anymore. Help!
All I can say is “best of luck.” I’m waiting to talk to my parents about mental health in general, and it’s difficult. Honestly, I hope is works out for your when you talk to them. Perhaps print out some information from some websites to give them. That’s what my counselor did for me.
Thanks @PeteQ that’s a great idea. I’ll do that for my dad… Not sure about my mom yet. It stinks but I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this boat. Best of luck to you as well.
I kept up a similar charade for almost a year. I even got forced into a ‘graduation’ ceremony even though I didn’t have enough credits. Then I feigned having a hard time finding a job while I tried to finish school.
Didn’t work out so well. Things got progressively worse, I had to get jobs at a temp agency, my truck got stolen, the car I got to replace it broke down.
Then the paranoia and the hallucinations started, and that was the final stressor that tipped me into SZ/SZA. Living a double life is doubly stressful.
I played the mental health card myself. They were more freaked out about that than they were about the lying and covering up, so I kinda got a pass. Got help and got a job in my field and 10 years later I finished my degree. And I’m still working and doing pretty well 30 years later.
Believe me life gets a lot easier when you have help and you aren’t spending half your effort covering up your failings.
Lies just complicate things.
Gradually work it into the conversations in an understated way that you were not feeling well enough to attend your classes but want to start back up when the dr thinks your up to it.
Keep the conversation light and then change the subject.
You don’t have to reveal everything, but leave them hope too.
That doesn’t sound too great, sorry things went down like that for you. It certainly is hard leading a double life. I hope you’re able to talk to them. It’s a tough topic for a lot of people.
Oh I did. Maybe I wasn’t clear. I told them I had a mental illness AND that I had been lying and covering it up. That’s what I meant by playing the mental illness card.
It worked out for me, I hope things work out for you.
This seems like a good approach. My dad is so quick to start talking to other family members, that it’s probably best not to let him think it’s a big deal.
when I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia in the hospital, I told my parents. my mom got a couple of books about it and read them to try and understand. my dad and brother couldn’t have cared less. I told a close friend of mine and she pretty much stopped hanging around. I wish you good luck
@cbbrown Seems like your mom was really accepting. I find that men in the family tend to try not to think much into things. Maybe that’s it. Sorry you lost friends though. That breaks my heart. My friends will be the last to know.
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