How do I forgive my abusers?

I’ve been working on this at the moment, but I seem to not be able to forgive my abusers and bullies and in turn I’m just assuming everyone is a bully.

It’s not helping me grow my self-esteem and it only grows my self-hatred even more.

I’ve been flat-out hating everyone, assuming people don’t like the mentally ill and the disabled. I just can’t accept that there are good people because I haven’t seen any!

I think the root of this must be on my trauma.

How do I work on it?


People don’t hate you. Sure there might be a few shallow people, but most people aren’t. A lot of people have disablities and everyone has it difficult from time to time. Just about everyone at least has short term mental issues like depression or anger.

Just because most people don’t have the same diagnosis you have they have no reason to hate you. A lot of people can relate to mental issues. Just because the doctor put a label on you doesen’t mean that people dislike you. The mental illness umbrella is huge. People can have psychosis, be bipolar, have long term depression and a host of other mental illnesses.

I’m pretty sure there are probably like 50% of people who have or have had some sort of psychiatric disease, so it makes no sense to think that others hate you for it.

You have to try to reconcile with people. Don’t think of other people as a whole, but that you are dealing with different individuals who have different histories, views, opinions and ways of viewing the world. The first step is to stop judging people collectively. Start thinking of every single person as someone who is unique in their qualities and the ways they relate to other people.

I heard someone in AA say that forgiveness does not mean saying everything a bad person has done to you is okay. It means that you don’t dwell on the wrong and don’t let if get in the way of living your life. I have a few things I’m having trouble forgiving myself.

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I was a lonely ‘weird’ child who attracted the resentment and ire of my non-peers, fortunately I was very good at defending myself and whenever anyone injured me I’d look afterwards for them and beat the crap out of them. More respected than popular, as firemonkey would say.

Honestly you don’t have to forgive them. These people hurt you and traumatized you. You don’t owe them forgiveness.

That being said you may want to focus more on acceptance, that yes what happened to you was bad, and you have every right to feel angry and hurt.

I promise you there are good people in this world and I know it’s hard to find them. But I promise there are good people.