I always knew I was different, and I’ve been sick for quite a while… saw and heard a lot when I was quite young, but since my mother is a witch she just assumed it was spiritual.
Fast forward to 14, chronic suicidal thoughts (and attempts) self harm, manic episodes, and even catatonia, Ended up staying in the icu of a psychiatric hospital for 8 months when I was 15-16, all they could say is I had a mood disorder NOS since while I was there I didn’t have another manic episode.
Missed lots of high school. Barely graduated. Had one job, but was unable to keep it do to severe anxiety and depression. haven’t been able to work in three years. Things started changing. Doctor diagnosed me with severe psychosis. (Now at 21)
I’ve been feeling bugs crawling on me for quite some time, after a while they started biting. Started seeing faces everywhere, in the walls, in trees. See shadow people and monsters running beside me if I’m in a car at night. Other messed up stuff like dead bunnies when it’s really just a dead leaf.
Barely leave my house anymore. Extremely paranoid, especially about cops, people reading my mind and the world ending. Depressed so I don’t shower or brush my teeth or eat or sleep well. Get panic attacks frequently, sometimes multiple times a night. Also get extremely mad. Like homicidal rage.
Hear things too. My name being called from far away, phone beeps and rings that aren’t possibly mine. once when camping at night I heard children laughing, that was probably the only really unsettling thing I heard. I feel the ground shaking when it isn’t, like an earthquake.
The things I’m seeing are starting to get more vivid too. I also see bright neon orbs that float around and change colour, sometimes becoming different shapes.
A good example of this is a few nights ago I was staring at my ceiling in the dark unable to sleep. Saw a neon blue and pink preying mantis that turned into a small nuclear mushroom cloud, but when I closed my eyes the images were still there?
Sorry that this is so long and may not make a lot of sense, my head is a mess. Things are really bad, what do you think is going on? Mental illness runs in my family. Father had and brother has bipolar type one. Sister has schizophrenia. Anxiety and depression are also prevalent. I feel like I’m dying