How did your psychosis/scizophrenia develop

I always knew I was different, and I’ve been sick for quite a while… saw and heard a lot when I was quite young, but since my mother is a witch she just assumed it was spiritual.

Fast forward to 14, chronic suicidal thoughts (and attempts) self harm, manic episodes, and even catatonia, Ended up staying in the icu of a psychiatric hospital for 8 months when I was 15-16, all they could say is I had a mood disorder NOS since while I was there I didn’t have another manic episode.

Missed lots of high school. Barely graduated. Had one job, but was unable to keep it do to severe anxiety and depression. haven’t been able to work in three years. Things started changing. Doctor diagnosed me with severe psychosis. (Now at 21)

I’ve been feeling bugs crawling on me for quite some time, after a while they started biting. Started seeing faces everywhere, in the walls, in trees. See shadow people and monsters running beside me if I’m in a car at night. Other messed up stuff like dead bunnies when it’s really just a dead leaf.

Barely leave my house anymore. Extremely paranoid, especially about cops, people reading my mind and the world ending. Depressed so I don’t shower or brush my teeth or eat or sleep well. Get panic attacks frequently, sometimes multiple times a night. Also get extremely mad. Like homicidal rage.

Hear things too. My name being called from far away, phone beeps and rings that aren’t possibly mine. once when camping at night I heard children laughing, that was probably the only really unsettling thing I heard. I feel the ground shaking when it isn’t, like an earthquake.

The things I’m seeing are starting to get more vivid too. I also see bright neon orbs that float around and change colour, sometimes becoming different shapes.

A good example of this is a few nights ago I was staring at my ceiling in the dark unable to sleep. Saw a neon blue and pink preying mantis that turned into a small nuclear mushroom cloud, but when I closed my eyes the images were still there?

Sorry that this is so long and may not make a lot of sense, my head is a mess. Things are really bad, what do you think is going on? Mental illness runs in my family. Father had and brother has bipolar type one. Sister has schizophrenia. Anxiety and depression are also prevalent. I feel like I’m dying

In high school I heard auditory hallucinations, had delusions, had anxiety, depression, sleep issues, school issues… Then I started smoking weed and the rest was history my symptoms were made so much worse by that and other drugs and alcohol. Then I needed meds. I never had paranoia in high school but I had the other symptoms. It was when I started acting really f’ing strange was when they gave me meds.

Have you gotten on meds yet? If not, I urge you to get to a doctor. There’s also some fairly convincing evidence for fish oil supplements especially early in the disease. They are not an antipsychotic but they may protect the brain.

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Meds can help @valiumprincess.
Make an appointment with a qualified psychiatrist.
Best of luck to you!


In one night. I was watching videos on the simulation theory and quantum physics. I was drinking alcohol, monster drinks, smoking marijuana, salvia, and shaman herbs 6 years ago. I was extremely stressed at the time, not doing well in school. I could not afford college and was in a stressful environment. I tried to attain enlightenment, and when I got sober, I had a compelling voice telling me I was in the matrix. It was like a light switch that turned on and never turned off. I had to drop out. I was behind in my courses and was going to fail. So I withdrew with a 2.7 or 2.9 GPA. I didn’t think I was real or the external world wasn’t real. It was too much.

ewwwww I don’t want to get back to it.
And please, don’t use the terms psychosis and schizophrenia interchangeably.
They describe different phenomena.

@valiumprincess psychosis is temporary as anyone can have it; schizophrenia is a constellation of positive and negative symptoms which cause a debilitating long-term mental illness. They are comparatively different to one another.

I think I was unaware (along with everyone else) that I had it a very long time before I was diagnosed at 19 by which time it was undeniably sz. I couldn’t see it at the time, of course.

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I think its a conspiracy that stupid liars came up with, because they didn’t want people making them jealous. They’re always trying to prove they have the right to abuse me, by lying all the time. About 20 some years later, claiming I’m a fraud because sex offenders caused it, and they’re in denial about how abusive they are.

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The better question may be how has SZ developed us? It’s made me more humble, empathetic and all around a better person. I firmly believe there is light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. If we just take our meds that light will come. When that light comes and it will, we will look back at our troubling times with great pride. For we will see it was only temporary and that our growth has been immense. As hard as it is to see now when we stand up again and again fighting this disease at the end of the day we will be thankful. Thankful that we have been given a trial unlike any other. A trial that so changes us to the core that it can only be attributed to our deity.


It was nothing spectacular or interesting. I just developed a fixed belief that stubbornly refused to budge. I tried to seek help, but nobody would acknowledge the belief was true. Half a dozen doctors from then until now wouldn’t lie to me would they? Anyway it kinda snow-balled with a growing distrust of the same doctors, and I didn’t know what to believe, basically.

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I think its when they want you in a fog, so you cant tell what disgusting things have to be done, so a bunch of idiots can prove they’re better than everyone.

I think you’re a nice person @valiumprincess Don’t mind what everyone else says. I saw the floating orbs too.