Hungry…
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Very angry and very paranoid
I was normal but under tremendous stress. Then severe anxiety came first, and that quickly turned into paranoia and then full blown psychosis. But I had no insight into what I was experiencing when it happened, ran me over like a freight train.
I can relate to that. Led to a lot of grandiose thinking. Then eventually an idea of self that was so grand I thought the world would try and kill it. So it went.
coma we have a lot in common.when i broke step dad was pushing for me to divorce i came very close.my spouse can be a jerk controling dominating greedy.when i got sick also could read minds hearing voices thought cameras in home,i was hospitalized a month and sent home i refused to take any meds they couldnt help me.by oct 1983 i had became so sick i only layed in bed was afraid to move at all i complicated suicide some germ of rationality told me take the med u have nothing to lose .thoriodize a few weeks later complete recovery.spouse stood by me never wavered,the 7 th of augast 41 years .he has a lot of good points never cheated,honest,no drugs alcahol,never struck me never would.i was married at 16 he was 26.we came very close to divorce this year.at age 56 i now realize how badly have been dominated not allowed to drive,when i worked he came to work picked my check up signed it ,i didnt get 1 penny,i do all cleaning cooking remodling yard work no help,he would gripe at my if i used wrong spoon to stir with ,a pan on wrong shelf,if he felt i cooked food wrong,a food item on wrong shelf ect,ect.plus he is a semi horder,piles yard house boy was that a fight to get it cleaned up to a manageable level.i am rambling to get to point huge changes this year,and last year.our son has been amazing backed me 100%.i still do the work load but always have but no more yelling at me stupid crap issues,i set up a bank access to our bank,so i can see how money is being spent.i get 700 a month and do get a little of it now.money is pretty tight after bills paid he gets good retirement check.i have found i am a stronger person now am worth something,just sad it took me so many years to realize it
Freaking great!!!
For me that is when I really learned about the world, unfortunately that coincided with my introduction to alcohol so I have since spent the last years of my life ‘chasing the dragon’ (thanks joel) trying to comprehend my life…
Its done . Sorry for ranting on your post
My husband had a hard time adapting to be a father. I was alone taking care of our children the first 6 years then I told him to change jobs or get out. He was never at home and went out with friends at night. After that ultimatum he changed. He realized I was serious about it.
I felt just fine.
Until i walked into my new home. I was trying to escape homelessness and death in going there.
Little did i know everyone in my family had been having paranormal “symptoms” before i arrived.
As soon as i walked in the strange thoughts started and it began to spiral and snowball into fifteen years of hell.
I developed severe treatment resistant depression when I was 13. It wasn’t until my 20’s that my PCOS was treated and the depression went away. I also started having psychotic symptoms around 13 or 14. At the time they were just symptoms. It wasn’t until I was 26 that I started to experience psychosis. This was different than the symptoms. With the symptoms I would see things or have paranoia but it was not all of the time. When I was 26 it was all of the time. I was psychotic the moment I woke up till I went to sleep.
So before my first episode I had anxiety, severe depression, paranoia, and hallucinations. Before 13 though I was a normal kid. Entering the mental health system was hard. I missed a lot of school because I was either in the hospital or attending partial. It would be interesting to see how many hospitalizations I’ve had since 13. 
I felt bored, to be honest. I was a senior in high school, and I was doing stupid ■■■■ like partying and smoking weed on the weekends. I was doing well at a prestigious high school, though, and I was in very impressive shape, and these days I am a heavy weightlifter, in between a full blown bodybuilder and powerlifter. I would say I just train for kickass shape, I can’t run as fast as I used to but I am much stronger. I was about 180lbs at the time, I’m 5ft7in. I was really ripped, 18 years old, and a fighter. I was trained in Krav Maga and did some uh unsanctioned fights with other teenage guys. It is safe to say that my behavior was deviant. I remember the night my psychosis started, not a fun memory, but vivid. Within weeks I was not myself, very paranoid, incredibly paranoid when I toked, and then I got a testicle infection (not an STD, it was from torsion, getting my testicle cord twisted as setting it back myself) and whoa was ■■■■ not okay.
I was a cool guy before it. I was popular, I was funny, I was confident and strong, leader of a club at school, the token “badass military guy” at an international school. Everyone thought I was going to make it in S.E.A.L.s and do ROTC in the Navy. I thought so too, but the psychosis was detected by everyone and my shrink at the time, whom my parents forced me to go to, told me to not even think about ROTC.
I had been an all-around Renaissance man. I was very well-educated and very intelligent, (I’m still intelligent, but I used to be VERY intelligent) extremely disciplined and robust, extroverted, basically a top notch elite private prep school kid. I graduated from the prep school but made two C’s on my last semester due to my mental status. I lost 40lbs of muscle in about two months. I managed to gain back about 12lbs and was 155lbs and very athletic when I graduated.
My case is odd; I never really quit functioning by most standards, I just became asocial and reclusive, but I went to college and made a 3.5 my freshman year on scholarship.
Today I am a senior and have a 3.9 and feel about as stable as possible. I never quit school. I just quit being sociable and cut a lot of class my freshman year. I kept my scholarships. I’m looking at PhD and Master’s programs in psychology, I am taking the advanced route and doing research very much like a graduated student as an undergrad. I am quite skilled in psychology and enjoy it, but I am getting off topic.
I am like a twisted version of who I used to be. I used to be damn near perfect.
You still are a normal person.
I went through a few ups and downs prior to my psychosis. Say about three years prior to it, I was more or less depressed and smoking pot every day. I was never diagnosed at the time, but it came pretty closed to what was diagnosed depression later in my life. This lasted for about a year or so, then I quit the pot altogether and started studying again. Enjoyed that for a good year and a half. Then there was a summer holiday which tipped me over the edge, I believe. I did nothing for weeks and started smoking pot again, just out of boredom really. Did this for a few weeks and become paranoid etc. My doctor and I believe the 1.5 year of good studying inbetween these passive episodes in my life just managed to cover up what was going on. Funny thing though, I had lucidity of mind that once I became paranoid just prior to my psychosis I quit the pot immediately. Never touched it again throughout the 9 month psychosis. So yeah a constant factor that you see a lot around here is pot abuse. My doctor thinks it was one factor of several, but doesn’t think my episode should have been diagnosed as drug-induced psychosis, for it did not stop after quitting the pot immediately. Also I had a relapse two years later that did not involve drugs.
Nothing was wrong. Was not even dealing with anxiety problem at the time of onset. Turned out to be PTSD with lots of 5 years of amnesia, even working in 100% demanding and thankless job.
I was relaxing and drinking lemonade in my backyard. Caught in the delusion that I didn’t need to work or do anything in life except sit around and take it easy.
and is this all what your “mentally ill” delusion consisted in? or was there more to it?
Afterwards I went into the house and turned on the tv…I began to interpret the communication as threatening. A commercial came on that said “anything can happen in the wild” and I flipped out, thinking that this was a threat on my life. I almost threw up when I heard that.
It seems that the whole idea of schizophrenia being linked to higher dopamine levels in the brain to be a bunch of nonsense. if this theory were true then everyone of you shouldve felt like a king before your schizophrenia.
I was having the best year then the next year the worst. I think I fell hard.
how old are you if i may ask?
Me? I’m 46
Fifteen