Once again I’m back in depression because my future is hazy. Right now this is the future I see. I live in some apartment or house. Most of the time it’s a mess because I don’t have the willpower to clean. Maybe I’ll have a pet or two but often I will not have the energy to play with them or do anything other than the bare minimum to keep them alive and so will feel guilty often and even regret getting them. I will eat microwave meals or stuff you can boil for every meal because I don’t have the will to cook. It’s too much. I’ll go to work every day and basically just use the money on necessities because I don’t have the will to do anything fun anymore. Work sleep work sleep work sleep. I will get to dreading having to go into work for no discernible reason other than it’s something that requires sustained focus and effort. In and out of mood stability with occasional psychosis flare ups. Sometimes I will see family or friends and act like everything is ok so I don’t worry them. I see no quality of life for myself. How can I fix the future…how can I make it appealing again so I care about making it there…I was so excited and then reality set in…
Who do u live with anna …???
My parents and siblings. I don’t do well living on my own…I had my first real trial run of it this summer and it was a mess the whole way through…the only time I was doing well was when Geodon sent me into hypomania for a while when I started it
Work sleep work sleep. This is pretty much my life. And I don’t have so much of willpower also to do something with my life other than my job. I think that my lack of emotions and willpower are side effects of the antipsychotic. Is there something to do?
But I try to feel happy with the less I have and the emptiness in my life. I try to think that I’m lucky to even be able to have a good job.
If all goes well schooling and career wise I will make enough to hopefully live relatively comfortably alone. So I can be grateful for that. But other than that I get no joy out of life. What is the point of carrying on? Even if I am comfortable?
You’re just feeling low right now.
Your life is more than that.
Have you ever tried daily affirmations?
They really increased my self esteem and motivated me.
There is something super powerful about telling yourself the things you can do,
And to my surprise, after a while, I started doing the things I said I could do in the affirmations.
You should try,
I’m sorry you feel like this right now.
I’m tired of feeling low. I feel low more than I feel good. I feel good so transiently. I have been trying to focus on positive things and tell myself positive things but it is very difficult. I like to say that right now I am on the wrong frequency because I am only hearing the demons and wanting to die vs the other frequency I hear God and the good voices and want to live. I am having trouble getting back to the other frequency…
You have a job, most with sz dont even have that. I feel builled everyday at my job because of my sz and i dobt even think its really happening. We all struggle. Low motivation sounfs like a med side effect? You have your family. I would say book something or plan something you enjoy in advance. A holiday, an activity or make a savings plan for yourself. Eg. In 3 months time, ill have this much saved and when you reach the goal add another. Lookong forward to something always helps you feel better. Good luck. Keep us updated.
When I finished university, I felt very depressed because of the emptiness in my life. Because there was only my job and nothing else. No social life. No friends no girlfriend. Then I became sick for 12 years. It has been an incredible nightmare. After I became healed by the antipsychotic I started to feel happy with very less conpared with before because I was just happy to be relatively healthy now and not be in misery.
Actually I was doing ok and then suddenly stress from having exams/fast paced classes plus work hit me and then I think that flared up the demons who made me feel absolutely terrible and I’ve been bad since.
I don’t even have the energy to socialize with my family, they try and I just push them away and am irritated
Don’t you feel proud of what you successfully did. I think about your study and now your work. I personally felt so proud of myself than it made me most of the time very happy. I still need to feel proud of myself by trying to be good in my job. It brings me happiness. I don’t think you have to search so much to find a reason to be proud of yourself.
She succeed in her study (Bachelor degree I think). Now she has a job.
Set small, achievable goals. Hit them, then move onto the next goal. Each goal is a step. Enough steps will take you a long distance.
I think this is good…sometimes thinking too far ahead isn’t a good thing…I need to go back to taking things one week, even one day at a time…