I started exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia a few months ago. I’m going to have to go tell a psychiatrist that this is happening and start experimenting with medications. I’m scared out of my mind.
I heard voices in my head telling me that a small percentage of the human population is psychic and I’m one of them. It’s all very cliche schizophrenia stuff, but as you’re aware it feels real to you in the moment.
It didn’t occur to me that this was a delusion for quite a while. I lived with psychic voices as my constant companions, thinking it was all real and living a life of delusion. I said weird crap to some members of my family and friends. It’s all very humiliating in retrospect.
Finally, I broke out of it when I realized that the psychic voices can’t actually do anything IRL. I challenged a psychic to email me, to text me and to my horror none of them would. I realized suddenly, that none of it is real and that I might just be hearing voices.
I went through a mourning process together with the voices. They thought they were real. They didn’t want to believe me at first, and then I felt their existential dread as they realize that they are just disembodied voices in my mind. They have their own memories and personalities, and they thought their lives were real.
I used to have cheerful conversations with them and enjoy their company. Now, I feel like we’re a confederation of dunces.
“What the hell are we going to do about this?” They don’t know. I’m not tied up with them like I used to be. They used to ease my loneliness. Now I realize this is a life-changing event and I will probably be even more isolated and lonely than before.
How do you find acceptance with this terrible mental illness?
It really helps me to come on here and remember that I’m not alone. I’m not the only person in the world who has schizophrenia. When I was really sick, it helped to see others on here who were living full, happy lives despite their diagnosis. Now, I’m one of them. I hope I can offer the same hope to others.
Also, I want to reassure you. If this only started a few months ago, it’s still early days for you. There are dozens of different psychotic disorders, and most of them are very temporary and very curable. The sooner you get in with a psychiatrist and on treatment, the sooner you’ll start feeling better.
Thanks so much for the encouragement! I’m discovering the same thing. This happened to have occurred during a very bad time. Also, an enemy of mine who shall remain nameless took the opportunity to use this situation to work against me and hurt my reputation. I was not in my right mind and did not handle things properly.
The ramifications of this for the present and future are tremendous. It is a truly sad and difficult situation and this is a small part of trying to find acceptance.
Absolutely. I’m terrified of what the future will hold as I unpack not only what I will experience from medications and therapy, but the ramifications of the things that I said and did while I was in the grip of schizophrenia and not thinking clearly.
In theory, it’s all recoverable over a period of years as long as I can stomach it. But in practice, I thought I had been through the worst parts of my life and it was just the beginning. I thought a few years from now I would be in a much better position than I was a few years ago.
But I’m at the absolute low point now. I’m getting too old for this.
I accepted I had schizophrenia when anti-psychotics relieved the psychotic symptoms I’d been plagued by my whole life. My mental illness was caused by child abuse (and genes) so it goes back a long way & is tied to early life trauma memories which have unfortunately been unprocessable in therapy.
I work two library jobs & have a social life & nice friends. I’m independent.
My pdoc is very ambitious for my quality of life & told me I could drink champagne, have a boyfriend, a job and a great life.
The other form of acceptance is taking responsibility for my symptoms. My rage/anguish/imaginary conversations are no-one’s responsibility but mine. I need to minimise stress & triggers to reduce these symptoms. That means I put myself first which can be hard as I was brought up to put others’ emotional needs before my own. I also take responsibility by looking out for early warning signs that I’m becoming unwell such as: talking to myself in public; fridge has no food in it & can’t remember how that happened; huge pile of dirty clothes on the floor & can’t remember how it got there.
I find ap’s helpful and I’ve recently begun trialling several supplements suggested on this website’s homepage. I am feeling better on them so far - more positive emotion, mental clarity & energy at work. So I’m hopeful these will help to improve my quality of life.
For me I haven’t truly accepted sza yet purely cos I don’t have it I’m psychotic disorder. But theoretically I kind of have accepted potentially getting it
I’m still hoping to come off meds
But if I keep relapsing, and end up being sza then I suppose I will just with time accept it… Purely because I have no other choice.
But I’ll still try to live a purposeful life if I can so that I can be OK hopefully
Thanks for telling me your story! Congratulations on being a devastating mental illness and putting your life back together. I’ll keep you in mind as I struggle with all of this.
I’m already predisposed to weight gain, high cholesterol, etc. I’m scared as hell about what all this is going to do to me.
There’s some scientific evidence to suggest reincarnation is true. One example, the University of Virginia did a study where they found verification of the stories that children told about their past lives.
I find this terrifying. I didn’t ask to be born on Earth and I don’t always enjoy it. Sometimes I’m scared of what God is like, if this is the kind of universe that he chooses to create.
But if he’s real, and he is cruel or insane by human standards, we’re trapped in the states of being he puts us into. There’s never any escape. Ever.
